Never Gets Old...

Even with the new things going on in my life, there are things that always make me happy that never get old...

...like finish lines.
I love finish lines, and crossing them while holding hands with someone is even more awesome.

Unlike my last holding-hands-across-the-finish-line adventure, Ellen made it clear to me that she was married.

I am so proud of Ellen- not only for the amount of weight she has lost, but for how much of her confidence she has gained.  I had the privilege of pacing a confident, fearless woman who was not afraid to go after her first 10K finish, only one month after finishing her first 5K.  I high-fived her at each mile marker.  It was a reminder to celebrate every milestone that makes up your journey.  I couldn't even imagine running a mile pain-free back in August when I was hobbling around in my cam-walker boot.  So for both of us, it was an accomplishment and celebration.

Muddy miles. #moreHokalove

I feel like I'm making up for the 3 months of running I missed out on during the summer and cashing them in now.  I'm loving the trails now more than ever-  the awesome weather we've been having lately, combined with the hokas- always makes for an incredible run.  The trail time also allows me to catch up on my podcasts- because we all know that learning new things (metabolic efficiency, engineering resilience, biohacking your pH) never gets old either.

9 around the lake. 

And on my plate, here is a meal that I haven't been afraid to repeat multiple times during the week.  It's filling, balanced, delicious, and Whole30.  Boom.

Omelet with spinach, sweet potato hash and avo. #itstartswithfood

You know what else never gets old? Snail mail and phone calls.  In this day and age, it's easier to text.  But perhaps I'm old-fashioned, in that sense- I love going to my mailbox and receiving a handwritten letter, or hearing an excited voice on the other end of the phone.  I was lucky enough to receive both this week... 

Perspective.

"You can't see the world from somebody else's point of view and not be changed." 

-Lena Coakley

Hanging upside down not only brings good bloodflow to your brain, but your perspective of the world changes.  Naturally.

Change of perspective.  #inversiontime

I saw this video over the weekend and it completely transformed how I view my workplace.
I always considered myself to be pretty good at being able to read/intuit other's feelings, but this opened my eyes up to the many emotional facets that occur in a single place.

Hopefully this will inspire you to hold more hands, to look more people in their eyes, to smile genuinely, and to listen to the true emotions and the feelings that exist when people speak.  And mostly, to really care.

I know it did that for me.  Enjoy.

Biohacking, Observing, BE-ing.

After last weekend's amazing conference, I've been much more 'in-tune' with how my mental/spiritual health affects my physical/emotional health.  Believe me, I'm usually skeptical about these woo-woo alternative medicine practices, but after reading and hearing testimonials from actual doctors (including Dr. Lissa Rankin), I'm now fascinated with EFT.  I just need to nail down exactly what to say while tapping on the meridians.  Couple that with my recent obsession with biohacking (especially HRV), and a pretty busy week, I've become much more aware of my stress.  The awareness is a good thing.  Before, I would be stressed.  Note there is a huge difference between the two.

Yesterday's swim offers a beautiful analogy.  Because you know me, I understand things better through visual analogies, so hopefully this will help my readers.  It was pouring rain.  I like to swim in the rain...(remember my very first blog post when I was a baby blogger?).  Sometimes worry, negative thoughts and irrational fears are like those thousands of raindrops.  They are everywhere and they surround us.  We can choose to get caught up in them and start down the downward spiral of 'what ifs'... or, we can detach ourselves and just be observers.  

I gracefully did an underwater dolphin kick, streamlined with my arms above my head and kicked onto my back, still 2 feet underneath the water's surface.  I could see the tiny droplets of raindrops, breaking the water's smooth surface in a beautiful array of harmony and disharmony.  I observed the cacophony (like my individual thoughts) falling on top of the water.  But below, I remained in the serene calm, womblike and silent nature of the water, at peace.

These are the lessons that I am slowly learning.  As time passes, they make more and more sense to me. 

Eckhart Tolle sums it up best when he says:
"The mind helps us in the practical aspects of life.  However, we can observe the mind.  Just observe it as it thinks about the past or the future.  Whenever you observe your mind, you are no longer trapped in its past or future.  Through self-observation you can move into the present.  You are Now.  Observe the mind without judging it."

Speaking of judging...I have received some criticism about my new favorite running shoes.  Granted they are not the most aesthetically-appealing and easy on the eyes, but they sure make my feet happy.  They look heavy, but they are surprisingly light.  (looks can be deceiving!)  Ran 9 miles in these last week, pain-free.  The run felt like I was prancing on a cloud, which made me feel like I was on Cloud 9.  Not too shabby.  

It's pronounced Hoka O-nay O-nay, not "Hoka One" #newbie

Let's just say that happy feet + happy mind + happy heart = happy girl.

Emotional biohacking.

Recipe Modifications.

I'd love to say that I'm a whiz in the kitchen, fluttering around in my apron, mixing a "pinch of this" and a "hint of that," eyeballing ingredients and seamlessly making substitutions in recipes as I use what's in my kitchen cupboards.

Truthfully, I am anything but that.  I am a slave to the measuring cups and spoons, pouring the exact amount of vanilla extract and measuring that 1/2 tsp. cinnamon.  And substituting?  Forget about it.  If I don't have all of the ingredients, that recipe can wait until I go to the store.

I am even a tad jealous of how most Asian people can wash rice and use their index finger to gauge how much water to add.  What if your index finger is really short and you don't add enough?  Then it'll be too dry.  Too much?  Then it'll be too soggy.  I'd gladly measure out the water, thankyouverymuch.

So, what's behind all of this?  My type-A nature could be to blame.  I could say that I'm a perfectionist and I like following directions.  But really, the truth is that I'm afraid to fail.

Aren't we all?

I had the pleasure of hearing the amazing Kris Carr speak live this weekend in San Jose, where she talked about her own journey in the kitchen that began with her learning how to boil water.  She told a funny story where she was asking herself, "But what if I mess up the kale salad?  Then everyone will judge me!"  She spoke about how we are all afraid to mess up in the kitchen, but as we continue to experiment with creativity, we build skill sets and confidence.  As a result, the initial overwhelming fear of failing diminishes.  

Lemon coconut flour cookies with chia seeds ('cause, hey...why not?)

A few weeks ago I had some extra lemons and decided to throw all caution to the wind and modify a recipe.  I love lemons- lemon bars, lemon muffins, lemon meringue, so clearly, lemon coconut flour cookies should also be in that fabulous mix, right? I definitely thought so. Miraculously, it turned out well (read: turned out on the cooling racks and not in the trashcan)  and I had happy taste-testers!  My experiment with a basic coconut flour cookie recipe started a new trend in my life- use what you love to be your inspiration, stick to a good basic recipe model that works, and don't allow the fear of failure to stunt your creativity.

And so I have applied this lesson also to my career.  Although I enjoy clinical nutrition in the hospital setting, in a sense, I am now modifying the basic 'recipe' and expanding it to the community sector.  I am so excited to join the staff at Crufit to help individuals become healthier with better nutrition.  If you know me, you know how passionate I am about sports, nutrition, and assisting people on their health journey.  I am thrilled for this opportunity to stretch those muscles more, to take a basic recipe model of sound nutrition, and creatively adapt it to help active adults get healthier.  Crufit is a brand new studio in Montclair with top-notch instructors who specialize in rowing, cycling and TRX.

Crufit's brand new cycling theater- complete with wireless power meters that connect to the main screen!

In the theme of modifications, all you cyclists are familiar with the term RPM- revolutions per minute.  I just attended a 2-day conference this weekend and heard some of the most inspiring and thought-provoking speakers like Dr. Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss, Kris Carr, Gregg Braden, and Davidji.  

No, that's not Moses.  It's Davidji. 

My favorite speaker was Davidji, who spoke about transitioning from being a crisis meditator to establishing a daily meditation practice.  Meditation is about accessing the space between- the space between our action, our thoughts and our words.  When we can access that space, we connect to our deepest, most authentic self.  How do we do that?  By ritualizing our practice.  By making it a habit, just like brushing our teeth.  So this my friends, is now our new acronym for RPM-

Rise.
Pee.
Meditate.

Like Lance once said, it's not all about the bike.  Go deeper.  Modify your recipes in life.  Get creative.  

Vegan Mac 'n Cheese (aka #yogafail)

First things first- I normally shy away from the word "vegan" since it's such a highly-charged word.  I would much rather prefer to use the term 'plant-based,' but for some reason, "plant-based mac 'n cheese" just sounds strange, not sexy.  

Also for the record, I had grand plans to go to yoga tonight with my favorite teacher Pradeep. His classes land late in the day and go until 9:30pm-ish, which mean I have to plan hard that morning to pack everything (mat, clothes, towels, makeup remover, facewash, waterbottle, snacks, UGG boots, jacket for after class, you name it...).  Once everything is packed in my car, and I am registered online, there's a 99.9% chance that I'll go.

Unless I get inspired.

Which is always the case when I work in close quarters with PK.  This morning she mentioned that she made a vegan mac 'n cheese recipe.  It sounded pretty incredible, and the creative 'cream' sauce piqued my curiosity since it was made from tofu, versus cashews or other nuts that most other vegan mac 'n cheese recipes called for.

I cancelled my yoga class online.  I went to Berkeley Bowl.  I got busy in the kitchen, and the finished product was almost as good, if not better, than relaxing into savasana at the end of an intense class.

Here it is- major props to my fellow dietitian and culinary muse, Praveena.  Not many people can say that they know an intelligent and beautiful plant-powered/ayurvedic practitioner/yoga instructor/dietitian, but I do.  And I get to eat lunch with her everyday.  I know...It's ok to be jealous.  Lucky for us, she shares her delicious recipes...

Meatless Monday at its best!

Vegan Mac 'n Cheese

1/2 pound dried elbow or shell pasta
1/2 c. water
1 c. unflavored soymilk or almond milk
8 oz. firm tofu
1/2 c. canola oil (I used a lot less; adjust to desired consistency)
1 c. nutritional yeast
1/3 c. soy sauce
1 Tb. sriracha sauce (optional)
1 1/2 tsp paprika
1 1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp kosher salt
1/2 c crushed toasted walnuts (optional for topping)

1) Cook the pasta in salted boiling water until a little less than al dente.  Drain, rinse with cold water, and drain the pasta again.
2) Mix the remaining ingredients (except for the walnuts) into a Vitamix or food processor to create the 'cheese' sauce
3) If desired, add roasted broccoli (mix broccoli with garlic, olive oil, salt/pepper and roast for 15 minutes at 425 degrees)
4) Add the sauce and the cooked pasta to a large pot and cook over medium heat until everything is nice and hot, about 5 minutes.
5) Spoon into bowls, top with the crushed walnuts, and serve.  Enjoy!

The Orchestra of Silence.

Last Thursday, my friend and I hiked up Mission Peak.  We started early when it was quiet, and while traversing the upward slopes to the top, we would often stop, pause, and observe the view.  It was nice to be far from all the noise, and even the faint sounds of traffic were barely audible.   We cherished these moments of serenity, which so often become rare treasures in today's hustle and bustle.

Grateful to witness this beautiful sunrise...

After awhile, especially on our descent, many more hikers joined us on the trail.  Most of them looked like they were in high school or college, and their incessant chatter and loud music played from their iphones was a stark contrast to the quiet we had cherished earlier.  A part of me was disappointed that this younger generation was so dependent on their music for entertainment, even in nature.  

Made it to the top!
(and mad props to the person who dragged the xmas tree up to the peak!)

This experience kick-started my desire to run without my ipod recently.  I was on a quest to just soak in the sounds of nature, without distraction.  When you start to pay closer attention to the so-called silence, you can actually hear so much more- the subtle wind, quacking ducks, guns in the distance from the firing range, trickling water, your breath- 

...and this is a reminder that you are alive.

For Christmas, PK gave me "The Gift" by Hafiz, and it has proven to be one of my favorite gifts...filled with inspiring and beautiful words.

One of my favorites which has served to be the theme of my runs this week-

"Stay close to any sounds that make you glad you are alive." -Hafiz

Gentle trickling streams of water...

Cooling down to a cotton candy sunset and the sounds of the gentle wind...

True to my introverted nature, these moments of quiet have been the most rejuvenating and restorative, and I am craving them even more now with the loud and hectic nature of the work place.

...or a quiet trail...

Silent retreat, anyone?

Raising the Bar.

New year.
Clean slate.
What will you create?

Life is art. It is what you create it to be. Unleash your creativity.

During today's ride up the 3 Bears, I was surrounded by good company.  When I was tired and my mind was starting to fill up with thoughts like, "I'm tired now, I'll just spin and recover a little..." all of a sudden I'd hear Brooke's voice- "Fill that gap!  Work your way up to that wheel and then you can relax!"  I'd pedal hard, my heart pounding, and I could still hear her behind me- "If you want to, you're clear- you can pass them on the left and work your way up to that next wheel!"  Her voice drowned out my own debbie-downer thoughts.  I adopted her belief.  I went for it. 

Sometimes having another encouraging voice in your ear makes you better.

Coach gave me some extra little pushes (literally) when I lost momentum up a hill and on the flats when I needed to power up to the next wheel in front of me.  Just having that extra physical help made such a huge difference for me mentally as well.  When I was about to give up, all of sudden, I was back in the game, on the wheel in front of me, and still in the game.  On a healthy team, strong people help the weak become stronger.  They raise them up. 

Tangible lessons.  If you want to become better, surround yourself with people who will push you (sometimes literally) to a higher level and who believe in what you can accomplish, even when your own vision is shrouded. 

Someone asked me yesterday if I had any New Year's resolutions.  I don't.  But I have set my intentions.  2014 for me is all about raising the bar- in all aspects of my life- in my relationships, in my career, in my spiritual practice, in my diet, and of course, in sport.  

Bridges.

"Sport is a universal language, building more bridges between people than anything else I can think of." 

-Sebastian Coe

Base miles with the boys.

10K Swim. (too brain-dead to think of a more creative title)

I am proof that the holidays can make a person a 'lil crazy.  (No, I'm not referring to my recent trips to Target).  I've been pondering what my next  big thing will be on the race calendar for 2014.  So far, nothing stood out.  Then, after listening to Hillary Biscay's race report of Ultraman and how she swam a 10K once a week to prepare for that, I was inspired.  This past year, I raced the Del Valle Open Water 5K swim, and visions of racing the 10K next year suddenly made me excited.  So excited, that I wanted to revisit once again how that distance felt.  The last time I did my 100x100s was in February of 2012.

This time around, I enlisted the support of Coach, who was kind enough to join me for part of it.  He even let me borrow his Phoenix triathlon cap so hopefully some of that Aussie speed in the pool would rub off on me.

Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi!

We swam at Heather Farms in Walnut Creek since I knew this would take awhile, and the 8-11am timeframe at Dolores Bengston Pool wouldn't cut it.  

Steamy swims under the full moon in the mornings have been the usual at Dolores Bengston.

Heather Farm's pool was too warm and so gross.  I knew it was going to be a long day.  Luckily, longcourse was on the menu for today, which was a pleasant surprise- cutting the number of flip turns in half made the sets easier to digest mentally.

Funny how Instagram filters can make the water actually look clear! #totalfacade

Here's the set, in case anyone is interested.  I found part of Rappster's workout for his 10K swim sets, and I liked the variety that the 400s added.  Honestly, the last set of 3x400 IMs were done with one-arm butterfly drill.  After 7000 meters in, I could barely manage to swim let alone pull out some butterfly.  (maybe next year??)

10x100 (50 drill, 50 swim)
10x100 swim on 1:45 
3 x {400 IM/ 400 pull paddles/ 100 kick/ 100 back}

10x100 (50 drill, 50 swim)
10x100 swim on 1:45 
3 x {400 IM/ 400 pull paddles/ 100 kick/ 100 back}

Have fun, kiddos.

Here's some things I learned in the 3+ hours I spent in the pool today:

1) Company makes things better.  Coach joined me for a bit, and it helped to have someone next to me, count with me, and commiserate with.  When he left, it took more to stay focused and motivated.
2) Be focused on the lap at hand.  I would find myself thinking about the next set and how much more I had to do, and I would want to quit.  Then, I'd bring myself back to the lap and tell myself, "At this moment, I am focused on quality freestyle pull with these paddles..." which brings me to my next point...
3) Quality trumps speed.  I didn't concern myself with pace too much.  I wanted my stroke form to be my first priority- doing an incorrect or sloppy stroke for that far of a distance could cause some serious damage and potential injury.
4) I should have eaten more.  For most of my normal swims (3500-4000 yards), I just drink water or an electrolyte drink.  I started eating my ClifShot blocks around 5000 meters in and felt like I had fallen behind.  When you can feel yourself actively bonking, it's a bad sign. 
5) I felt weird eating.  At the end of each 1000m, I would reward myself with some chews and the girl sharing my lane would just stare.  I felt like the chick at the gym who was drinking a 400 kcal protein shake after doing 30 minutes on the elliptical.  A part of me wanted to say, "Sistalove, pleeease. Put your snorkel back on and mind your own beeeezness- I've been swimming long enough to have shared my lane with 2 different people before you who all did their workout already."  And another part of me just said to myself, "Eat, put your goggles back on, and swim."
6) I feel invincible now.  Why?  Because I swam a 10K?  No, because I swam through a bloody bandaid and a yellowjacket without barfing or screaming.

During the swim and after I had finished, Coach gave me some really good things to think about for the future- about racing vs participating, about how I am still learning what 'my fast' is, and how it's not about the races that you do, but rather how you race them.

So, am I going to race the 10K swim?  I don't know.  It's like asking someone after they complete Ironman if they're going to do another one.  For now, it's back to the drawing board again for me, hopefully with something exciting in the making.

Ask me in a week.

Mosaic.

I got two massages this week by different massage therapists.  And they were two completely different experiences- not necessarily 'bad' or 'good,' but each had a unique 'thumb," so to speak, while working with my muscles.  One had an extensive knowledge of muscle physiology since she was an athlete herself, and I left the room feeling like all those painful knots finally got some attention.  The other massage therapist had a lighter touch and perhaps less experience, but it was her life story that touched my heart.  There's something about being completely naked on a table in front of a stranger that makes me ask really good questions.  It's like the act of being stripped down makes me turn the tables and strip down their walls and find out who they truly are.  And she was equally as vulnerable and answered my questions and was not afraid to unveil her past and share her story that led her to massage.  I left that massage feeling profoundly different- not necessarily muscularly-speaking, but my heart was touched, loosened, more malleable.  Both were amazing experiences but in completely different ways.

Even if it is the same activity, different people can provide different perspectives.  Today's bike ride with some new (and old) friends was the perfect solution to my off-season burnout funk.  It was motivating to hear some of their 2014 race goals (Ironman Cairns! Wildflower!) and hearing their excited chatter about race wheel deals and powertap machines reminded me of why I love this sport so much.  It's about having fun, getting better, getting stronger, getting faster, and having goals.

I'm still nailing down the last one- it's been a work in progress.  I know for a fact though, that a good goal for me right now is to look forward. I need to stop overanalyzing (Coach's wise words, not mine). 

I need to stop looking back in the past.  Forward facing, from now on.
Bring it on, 2014!

Proof that winter base miles can be fun!

Oh, you know, just doing our usual mid-ride yoga stretches...

                                 

Oh yeah, and new toys make it more fun too!

So yes, lots of work to do, lots of fun to be had in the near future.  For now, I am celebrating the joy that comes from hearing about different journeys, and being inspired by different people.  A mosaic, if you will- and when the light shines through, that's when it's the most breath-taking and beautiful.

Five Kernels of Corn.

This past Thanksgiving, we all sat down to this...

Five kernels of corn.

I listened to my mom as she shared the story of the pilgrims- it had literally been years since it's been told to me.  Usually we are so busy filling our bellies with sweet potatoes and turkey and stuffing- such a stark contrast to staring down at a plate with five lonely kernels of corn.

The first winter for the Pilgrims, the food shortage was so severe that each person was given a ration of five kernels of corn per day.  The next spring, the Pilgrims planted the remaining corn, and that fall, they had an abundant harvest of crops.  Every Thanksgiving thereafter, they placed five kernels of corn next to their plates to remind them of their blessings.

The first kernel reminded them of autumn beauty.
The second kernel reminded them of their love for each other.
The third kernel reminded them of their family's love.
The fourth kernel reminded them of their friends.
The fifth kernel reminded them of their freedom.

This was such a powerful object lesson for me.  Daily, I am making an effort to be more grateful, more aware, more awake- and to recognize and appreciate the kernels in my own life.  Especially in this season where everyone is inundated with purchasing, buying, wrapping and consuming- it becomes so easy to gloss over these fundamental truths of what truly fuels our fulfillment and happiness in life.

And it's funny, because all of these five blessings are free.  They do not have a price tag.  Yet they are priceless.

My first kernel- autumn beauty on the trails...

My fifth kernel- freedom from running pain.

Five kernels of corn.  Have you counted your blessings lately?

Butterflies.

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." -Maya Angelou

Seen on my run today...

Change has been a prominent theme in my life lately.  So it seemed fitting that during today's short run close to sunset, I was accompanied by butterflies.  It was strange phenomenon- I didn't even know butterflies resided on that hill.  So I took it as a sign- a symbol- validating that this current stage of "change" was exactly where I needed to be in life.

It's a fact that everyone changes.  We need to change in order to grow.  It is a gift to have friends who stand by you, especially during those crucial years- who love and accept every single beautiful and flawed aspect of yourself, and remain loyal.  Other friendships come into our lives, serve a direct purpose, and then suddenly exit.  It's these others that I am learning to let go of, with grace, with non-judgement.  Sometimes the foundation of the friendship is based on a common thread (and not always a positive, empowering one), so with change comes goodbyes.  In most cases, I am the one doing the exiting.  

Today I had the privilege to spend some time with a woman who I deeply admire.  She has witnessed me grow up from a little girl, has celebrated my triumphs, encouraged me during my darkest hours, and has inspired me to never lose hope.  We also happen to share the same birthday.  She is transparent, humble, and hopeful always.  I looked her in the eyes- here is a woman who has been through hell and back, and not only survived, but is thriving. I saw in her someone who has embraced change- not only in the letting go, but also in the allowing back in.  As she shared her wisdom, I looked at her and saw a butterfly.  

These were given to me a few weeks ago and reminded me of today.
We were both born on November 2nd, but one is much wiser...

And in the spirit of this blog, I feel like a caterpillar finally emerging from the cocoon (aka. cam-walker boot and brace) and testing out my wings (running feet)... It's been beautiful and refreshing for my spirit...

Changing leaves + crisp weather = happy girl

This is true ananda (bliss)...

Silence.

Silence is a funny thing. 
I've found, if you allow it to- it can eat you alive.  
It's frustrating when you ask questions and you get no answers.

I've also found, if you allow it to- it can heal your soul.
If you sit long enough in the silence, your questions fade, and all that remains is Truth.

It's good to have friends who know you well enough to let you sort out your thoughts in silence.  Sometimes you just need a good headwind and mindless pedal strokes to come up with your own answers that suffice.

Today, out of the blue, I received this from a friend in my inbox:

Yes, please!

After hearing him speak on Rich Roll's podcast, I had been interested in downloading his entire meditation program but held back due to the cost.  I just had to laugh at the impeccable timing and how really, this was exactly what I needed in my life right now, and especially for today, 11/11.

It's true, sometimes pain stems from silence.

But if you can ease the chatter in your mind, sometimes you will find that all of your questions are answered in silence.

The Beauty in Crashing.

Of all the days in the year, I think today probably was the best day for me to crash my bike.  It seems that I always learn my lessons best in the most tangible ways.  So today, this is really what I needed for my heart and my head (not so much for my body or bike).  So I am counting it as a blessing.

The calm before the storm.

84 miles in, on an out-and-back coast ride from Santa Cruz to Half Moon Bay, a sudden sketchy span of curvy railroad tracks left me sprawled out in the road, my leg open and bleeding, with my bike strewn across the tracks.  I know that you should always approach railroad tracks perpendicular.  In most cases, they naturally run perpendicular to the bike lane, not curvy-parallel.  It caught me completely off-guard.  But aside from the physical shock of hitting the ground, nothing was broken, the bike was fine, my brand new Betty Designs kit was not torn (big sigh of relief)...

The remaining 10 miles were rough, but I survived.  My left wrist felt sprained and my leg was stiff, but it was good for me to immediately get back on and spin.  I told myself, "Get over the fear.  You're ok." Surprisingly, I was still able to enjoy the coastal view for the remainder of the ride, and to know that yes, this sport is risky, but with those risks come incredible rewards.

This view beats the stationary bike, that's for sure...

Sitting on the couch could be deemed safer (you don't need to wear a Road ID to change the channel), but I would miss out on the sights of the waves crashing against the rocks, hearing the calls of the seagulls, and feeling the wind upon my face.  Being vulnerable and open to new experiences has its risks always- but when you are in that space, it reminds you that you are a living, breathing, feeling being.  And there is exquisite beauty when you have the courage to venture and stay in that space. 

How sad if we allow the pain and scars from our past crashes to keep us locked in a cellar of fear, numbing us completely from the outside world?

Today was a perfectly timed tangible reminder that sometimes we are lucky in life to coast effortlessly.  And sometimes we suddenly and unexplainably crash.  And even if we don't know exactly what took us down, or how we got down- we just know it hurts a bit in places, but really, we're ok.  In the appropriate context, vulnerability is a good thing.  How much safer and easier it would be to never risk, to never fear rejection, to never really open up to love again- But wouldn't life feel shallow and superficial if you always played it safe?

Thankfully, the stiffness and scars eventually fade.  You get back on the bike.  Because there are countless beautiful roads yet to be explored.  And there are beautiful people still waiting out there to explore them with you.

Resilience.

"In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.

In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.

In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.

I realized, through it all, that...

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy.  
For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, 
there's something stronger- something better, pushing right back." 

-Albert Camus

Fogginess.

I'm all about maximizing things.  And one thing is for sure- I'm taking full advantage of this Indian summer.  I'm doing my best to enjoy every ounce of sunshine during October before rainy season is upon us.  Because let's be honest, indoor trainer sessions sadly don't provide the same endorphin rush...

I've been addicted lately to the coast.  There's something soothing about the ocean and the waves, and whether I've headed up the coast or down the coast, one thing rings true-  It makes my heart really happy.  I think if everyone in the world could escape for an hour just to sit and watch the sun sparkle along the water's edge, the world would be a much better place.  People would be kinder and calmer.  We would be more patient as a whole.  Witnessing the endless blue ocean and the horizon line is a reminder of how small we really are in the grander scheme of life.  It reminds us that there is a bigger picture.

View from our lunchspot near Tomales Bay..

Enjoying oysters at The Marshall Store

Today's ride started out extremely foggy.  Visibility was scarce, and my fingers were crossed that the cars would see our rear small red blinking light. 

Really diggin' the Zipps...

After a few hours heading back down to Santa Cruz, all the fog had burned off and beautiful deep hues of the ocean and the sky were breathtaking.  And then, bam, it occurred to me.  The beauty was there all along.  The fog was just covering it up.  How true- in life, love, and sport.

Sure, be aware of the fog, but also practice patience and trust that it will burn off to reveal something beautiful that's been there all along.

Heading back to Santa Cruz on Highway 1

Sometimes I feel cheated that I was never able to race my "A" race.  All this work since February at times felt like a huge loss, and some mornings when the alarm still rings before 5am, I really have to wonder, "What am I working towards?"  It's been encouraging to see athletes work through injuries and take months off from running, only to come back stronger than ever.   So then I remind myself that in due time, this season's fog will burn off and will reveal something fast and amazing (fingers crossed!).  I just need to stay present and keep showing up.

If you currently feel like you are in a fog, plagued with an injury or in a muddled relationship, remember to give it time.  Be patient.  Learn all you can from this frustrating season so you can channel it into helpful tools to aid others in the future.  When you can use your own personal experiences to be of service to others, it transforms you as well.  And that is true beauty, which has been there all along.  In due time, the fog will finally burn off, and you will recognize it too. 

Cycle-Speak

I just read something that made me really laugh, and I'm hoping it will make you laugh too.  What follows is brought to you by Jonathan Vaughters, former professional racing cyclist and current manager of the Garmin-Sharp professional cycling team...

"I'm out of shape."
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts.  My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

I'm not competitive."
Translation:  I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic.  I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike."
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Titanium blessed by the Pope.  I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.  It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly."
Translation:  This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign.  Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over-backward.  You have a 39x23 low gear?  Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great honey."
Translation:  Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight.  This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate.  I should've married that cute Cat I racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride."
Translation:  I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far."
Translation:  Bring your passport.

Letting Go.

Now that it's officially triathlon "off-season," I have more time and flexibility with my schedule.   There is still a lot of fun riding which has been going on...

Shorter days mean faster rides.  Sunset spins on Palomares Road...

And art...

Lake Merritt sunset with a lil' Warrior I action going on...

All of this free time not consumed by swimbikerun means more time for yoga, which I've grown to love even more.  I saw this the other day and thought it was very true...

#2 really struck a chord with me.  "Let go of things that no longer serve you."  It seems selfish when you say it at first, but the more I let it marinade in my mind, the more it made sense.  I have a history of being the peace-keeper, being nice and accommodating to the expense of myself, and in the end, everyone involved.  I'm so used to muddling around in the gray area to keep everyone happy, but my very good black-and-white friends helped nudge me out of that gray zone quickly.  I'm learning now that it's just better for all parties involved to let it go if it doesn't serve you.  Close that door.  Move on.  Don't look back.

It's been an interesting lesson to take off the yoga mat and into the real world, to say the least...but worth it for long-term emotional and physical health.

What things no longer serve you in your life?  What things do you need to let go of?