Fearless.

There is comfort in the familiar.  As I was driving and saw signs for "Old Redwood Highway" and later turned into the parking lot of the hotel I've stayed at every single time I've come here for a practice ride and actual Vineman race, I sighed a sigh of relief.  It felt like home.  I've come home.

All checked in and now ironing out my pre-race mental tactics

Today during my last easy 20-minute swim, I reflected on my race plan and my mantras.  You know how Chrissie Wellington writes her mantra on her wristband?  I thought I'd give that a shot this time around. 


Last weekend, I was paralyzed with fear.  Fear of the future, fear of others' opinions, fear of not making a difference in the world, fear of dying alone and not being found for a week... I was fearful that I would crash again on my bike, not be able to fix a mechanical, and that all these hours of preparation and training would be worthless.  I came to my senses finally and realized I could choose fear or I could choose courage.  Because there is only room for one.  Everyone has fears, but we have the choice to confront them and face them head-on.


So I decided I am going to write "FEARLESS" on my wristband.


Today was filled with other pre-race traditions:

Pre-race mani: I thought red was the most "fearless" color.
Plus, it matches my bike and tri kit. Win win!

Stopped at Starbucks on the drive up for a Cool Lime Refresher. I'm clearly addicted.
 I was gonna buy another can to go, but today they were having a special so I got it for FREE!

Whole Foods for dinner.  Again, this is tradition.
 I'd rather eat quinoa and beets for carbs over rice/pasta any day!

I've heard that if you write down your goals, you are more likely to attain them.  So here you have them, folks, my "general" list for blogland:
-Finally meet Roe's friend Dana (she's heard enough about 'my' Dana).
-Find fast feet during the swim start and stay with them as long as I can, even if it means using my "get the heck off of me" wide swim stroke in the beginning waves of chaos.
-Swim the 2nd loop harder than the first. 
-Have my bike set in the easiest gear so I don't eat it while trying to get up that first hill (unfortunately have witnessed far too many people crash coming out of T1 because they couldn't clip in!).
-Thank the volunteers.
-Follow my nutrition plan on the bike.
-Encourage fellow bikers on the course who pass me.
-But chase down the girls who are in my age group.
-Stay in the moment and realize how much of a privilege it is to be able to physically and mentally race.
-To pee, or not to pee, that is the question (only I'll answer that for myself)
-If mechanicals happen, accept them. Deal with them.  Fix them.  Move on. 
-Finish strong.
-Finish smiling.
-Finish fearlessly.


Thank you to those who mentally got me back into the game this week. All the emails, hugs, and pep-talking was perfectly timed.  I've got my mojo back, just in time for Saturday.  I just found out a friend hid a bag of dark chocolate mint M&M in my freezer as a return-from-my-race present.  Seriously?  How did I get so lucky?  We race individually as athletes, but we do not get to the start line alone.  Thank you to Dana, who happily accompanied me for my long training days, to my Intrepid Motion coaches for life (!), and to all my friends who intuitively know me better than I ever thought and knew the perfect words to lift my spirits.  And BBB, if you're reading this, thank you too.  You have been a part of this journey and good memories of you are etched in so many parts of this race course.  I'll never forget you running back to the car to get the camera at my swim start, and then having to run back to the car a second time after I realized I didn't have my goggles!  Thank you for all you contributed to my triathlon journey.


Tomorrow is the pre-race expo and the mandatory meetings.  Tomorrow the sherpas arrive.  Excitement is all around, and I'm finding the perfect balance of calm and adrenalin.  And that, my friends, is one of the best feelings in the world.

Storytime. Have You Told Yours?

One week until my big "A" race of the year.  This is the time when most prepared athletes consider tapering.  This is when underprepared athletes cram like scared little 10th graders taking the AP History exam.  I've done more crying and yoga this weekend than I did all year.


I'm not too sure where I fall, since my preparation for this was self-coached.  Like a total unplan plan.  Ever since I switched races from the Full Vineman to the Aquabike, all I've wanted to do is run.  Go figure.  I've learned that 10 miles feels normal now.  My mile splits are now consistently 30 seconds faster than they were before. My swim and bike are probably the same, if not slower than before.  Life is funny like that. 


Yesterday was my grandma's memorial service.  My uncle presented a 'brief' personal history of her 105 years; most of it was pieced together through stories and confirmations by the children.  There were 3 marriages and 11 children.  Some of the overlapping dates and gaps in time were a little fuzzy, but who are we to judge? In between those pieces of objective information, I knew there was a much more intricate and deeper layer of love, loss, rebuilding, fear, resilience, betrayal, strength, and overcoming.

It made me think about my own life story; for the random chunks that people know, and for all the fuzzy areas that I leave no one to judge except for myself.  People will always have their own opinions, but at the end of the day, you are the one who understands the intentions and truth.  I remember how someone who knew of the "chunks" had once asked me in the most lovingly way possible, "With everything you went through, were you ever suicidal?"  


I think about how my close friendships have been built upon the sharing of our own life stories, and how strong connections were founded upon vulnerability and transparency.  Yet few have the faith and strength to venture into that realm.  This makes me sad.  If only we could be bold enough to share the "in between" lessons with others, and not just the big pieces- perhaps we could positively influence the outcomes of their own stories...


Speaking of pieces- I'm hoping they all come together on Saturday.  Thank you to everyone who contributed to making this Vineman journey a success so far-  Thank you for understanding how much I love this sport, for those encouraging emails when most weekends were a party for one on the bike and in the pool, for not guilt-tripping me over missed late-night game/movie nights, for not fighting the early wake-up calls to go swimming, and for supporting my experimental pre-race diet plan and eating my sushi rice and letting me eat the fish on top.  Love you all.  May you all know how unique and significant your own life stories are, and how each of you has impacted my own journey that takes place off the bike and out of the pool.  xoxo.

100 miles.

It's good to have stuff on the training schedule that scares the sh*t out of you.  Like riding 100 solo miles.  Everyone is out of town racing Vineman 70.3 this weekend, and I'm 2 weeks out from my event, so I penciled this one in.  In order to taper, you must peak. 


I knew this would be a mental and physical challenge, but challenges allow me to feel the most alive.  Really, they test my commitment.  Just like you can't be partially pregnant, you can't be partially committed. 


I chose a hilly route, and looped around part of it twice to mimic having to mentally tackle climbing the same hill twice.  Just like I will have to ride during Vineman.  There's something about that second time that can break you if you don't have your mind in the right place.  Like Charlotte Bronte said, "I feel monotony and death to be almost the same."  I needed to practice my mental tactics, because I know when my mind and motivation goes, everything else follows suite. (So unfortunate, but so true.)

Kinda looks like a dinosaur with a tail, huh?

I also practiced some new fueling strategies, which worked out perfectly.

Udi's gluten-free BB muffins. 2 of these bad boys kept me adequately fueled.

At the beginning of my ride, I passed a family along the side of the road holding baskets and picking fruit.  After looping around Cull Canyon, I came back and saw what treasures they were collecting...

I had to hunt hard to find a tree that they didn't yet 'harvest.'

Yellow plums!!

I rode this entire ride sans heartrate monitor; Caveman style.  Before, I used my heartrate to dictate everything.  Now I'm learning to be more like a body whisperer, tuning in and finding that place where I could ride steady and hard all day long, yet still hovering close enough to that razor-sharp edge where, if crossed, everything could shut down.  Sometimes I feel like the machinery has replaced our own intrinsic understanding of our own bodies.  So I'm trying to go without and look within.  It is simple but not easy.


At mile 75, I stopped at Starbucks for some caffeine.  I'll be honest, I was 0.5 miles away from home and was SO tempted to chalk this one up as a 75'er.  But then it went back to the commitment I had made to myself.  So I kept riding. 

First time drinking these. Hit the spot. And the "green coffee extract," whatever that is,
helped get me through those last 25 miles.

Before today, the most I had ever ridden solo was 70 miles.  Reaching 100 miles solo was another item I could check off my bucket list!  

100.79 miles brought to you by Udi's muffins, NUUN tabs, Accelerade, Starbucks, and
 a wholelotta commitment

Two years ago, I would have never fathomed being able to complete this.  Challenges are life giving, they help us grow and make us braver and better than we think we are.  So whether it's completing your first 5K or running a sub-5:00 mile, keep believing and look within.  Dance upon the edge.  You will be pleasantly surprised.  

Pumpkin Chia Pudding.

I know what you're thinking.  This recipe is so seasonally inappropriate.  Here we are in the middle of summer, and I'm pulling out pumpkin recipes.  But if Target can get away with bringing out bikinis in early February after the biggest binge season of the year, and start stocking the shelves with back-to-school items during the prime-time of summer (ahem, the end of June), well, I can post pumpkin recipes in July.


And everyone knows that I'm borderline inappropriate most times, so here goes nothing:

My new favorite snack/recovery food.

Pumpkin Chia Pudding
Ingredients:
-1 c. pumpkin puree
-1 c. almond milk
-1 scoop vanilla or unflavored whey protein 
-2 Tbs. chia seeds
-3 small scoops of glutamine powder
-2 tsp of cinnamon, nutmeg, or pumpkin pie spice 
-sweetener of choice: maple syrup, agave, Splenda, sugar, high fructose corn syrup (kidding, just checking to see if you were reading carefully)


Directions: Mix the above ingredients together and let the mixture sit for at least 2 hours in the refrigerator.  This will allow the chia seeds to expand and absorb the liquid, creating a pudding consistency.

I add this to all of my recovery smoothies. It's like Wellbutrin for my muscles. Keeps 'em happy.

I glammed this recipe up and am now using this as a "recovery" pudding- hence the addition of protein powder and glutamine.  I used Bipro protein powder since it was unflavored and dissolved well.  I love how this is brimming with superfoods- 

• Pumpkin puree: contains high amounts of the antioxidant beta-carotene
• Chia seeds: contains omega-3 fatty acids, fiber, protein
• Whey protein powder: has branch chain amino acids to help strengthen, build and repair muscles
• L-Glutamine: helps support muscle growth and recovery, immune and intestinal health, and preserves muscles after intense training and during times of stress
• Cinnamon: helps control blood sugar, reduces LDL cholesterol levels, and reduces pain linked to arthritis

It's like the modern-day pumpkin pudding version of the Showtime rotisserie...you set it and forget it.  I mixed all the ingredients together and put it in the fridge.  After doing some weights/core work, and sweating through a Sufferfest trainer video, my pudding was done!  Boom.


*Btw, I used to think Spinervals were the gift from the cycling gods. I used to think Coach Troy Jacobson was the man, and I would secretly try not to hate him from my stationary trainer, as he would hold his timer in his hand and "coach" you.  Then Dana told me about Sufferfest videos, and my life has been forever changed.  Instead of watching other sweaty people as miserable as you are on your trainer, you are instead in a simulated "race."  So much more fun.

From Sufferfest's "Hell Hath No Fury" video...how can you not hammer when you see THAT on the screen?

So go ahead and train hard and celebrate summer.  Go big.  Eat pumpkin chia pudding.  

Same Route, Different Journey

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man."  -Heraclitus

Speaking of rivers, today I issued an eviction notice to the E. Coli residing in the Russian River. They have less than a month to evacuate.  Or it's on.  Like Donkey Kong. (or maybe off, like Vineman is completely called off, we'll see...)

Today was the Vineman recon ride, where we had 85 miles to preview the crappy roads and ride up the infamous Chalk Hill (it's not really all that it's "chalked up" to be, eh guys?).  I have a soft spot in my heart for this course because it helped establish the journey to my first Ironman.  I used the Half Aquabike in 2008 to give me courage to sign up for my first half Ironman in Oceanside (2009), and used the Full Aquabike (2009) to convince myself that I could physically do a full Ironman (2011).  You know, just add a marathon at the end, and we're good!  For me, it's all about setting small goals, achieving them, and setting larger goals and going after those.  Baby steps, people. 

Mike decided he didn't have enough practice last week changing my flats last week, so he helped out another rider this week who flatted near the beginning.  We ended up getting dropped by the main group, but between the 4 of us, we had enough tubes, patch kits, tire levers and nutrition to keep everyone happy.

Reason #433 as to why I'm not the ride leader. I can't even understand my own map

Luckily, we just followed the boys' rears

Guess who is gonna do the Full Aquabike?  Hammerhead on the left.
I'm betting he's gonna win the thing and then register for Ultraman at the rate he's been going.

With the exception of a few additional mechanical hiccups in the ride, it was an incredibly gorgeous route with perfect weather.  Next time we're ditching the bikes and just hitting up the wineries.

Riding this course brought back so many memories.  I remember at first how Chalk Hill was THE HILL at mile 46.  Like you would shiver in your chamois and take 2 gels at mile 40 and pray to the cycling gods that you wouldn't blow up and vomit all over the Team in Training volunteers with their cowbells.  But now, it's just chalk hill (doesn't even deserve caps!).  Nothin' crazy.  It's funny how the route has stayed exactly the same, but each time I've ridden it, I can see how much I've changed.  

The first time racing the Full Aquabike in 2009

A few years ago I rode this route with someone that I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.   I remember first riding this course on a road bike, and a year later, on a road bike with clip-on aero bars.  And now as I ride it with new friends, a new TT bike, and a new triathlon kit, I am grateful (and relieved in other areas) that things change in life as we grow as athletes and individuals.  It's good to try out new riding routes, but there's something special about coming back to the old ones and seeing how much you've grown since you've last ridden them.

But some things will always stay the same.  I still love riding my bike.

Lapped.

"There's always room for improvement.  It's the biggest room in the house."  

-Louise Heath Leber

Tonight at Masters, there was a guy with his own lane and his own 'long course' workout.  Naive and curious, I asked if I could join him, while the rest of the team did shorter sets with more breaks in between.  He welcomed me and was friendly, and then the hell began.  After the 600 yd warm-up (this was an all-out sprint for me, basically to stay close to his feet), I knew why the rest of the team had left this man alone.  He obviously had missed his flight to the Olympic trials and decided he would just stay local and swim Masters instead.


Next, we did 2 x 500s, the 1st was a swim set, and the 2nd was a pull set.  During the pull set, as the distance increased, he gradually kept gaining on me.  I was red-lining the entire time, and eventually the time came when I stopped at the wall to let him go ahead of me.   I had been lapped!  We finished the entire set of 3400 yds in 45 minutes.  I would have vomited on the pool deck, but luckily didn't have anything in my stomach since I came straight from work.


I love this sport because there is always room for improvement.  Our "ultimate potential" as athletes is an elusive target, but in fact, this is a good thing.  In the words of the great Chuckie V, "If we knew we had capped out our potential, we'd be a lot less happy, as there'd be little to strive toward, and little to hope for.  Remember, the journey is the destination."


And perhaps the above demonstrates why we show up to the pool deck, day after day, rain or shine.  By chasing our ultimate potential, we hope that we will end up lapping the uninspired and stagnant version of ourselves with our old dreams and stale goals.

Flats and Friends.

There's really nothing good about anything flat... being flat-chested, riding a flat bike course (hello, headwind!), having a flat butt, or getting flat tires.  I've been up since 3am, but now the events of the day are finally settling in.  Yesterday I talked to my dad and told him how a lot of people who had signed up for the Silicon Valley Long Course triathlon had dropped out because of the change in swim locations, the early bike drop off, and the logistical challenges.



"So, why are you doing it, then?" he asked kindly.  I was speechless.  The thought of quitting even before the event took place never even occurred to me.  I was reminded of this athlete's point of view.  "When it comes to living, it is better to DNF than DNS."


I came into today with a specific time goal in mind.  Only one other person knew about it; we had done the math on my splits and it seemed achievable....definitely not easy, and definitely cutting it close, but still somewhat within my grasp.  I've never had a time goal in a race, and we were banking on the fact that if I achieved it, I would be joining her on a flight to Oklahoma in September to race. 


I saw Jamii at the swim start.  This girl deserves an entire post dedicated to her and her exponential growth as a triathlete.  Seeing her made me happy; familiar faces at race starts always help to calm the nerves. (btw, today was her birthday, and she welcomed another year of her life with a podium finish.  Not to mention she just started doing triathlon less than a year ago!)


I was happy with my swim and ended up with the fastest time in my age group. (At least one good thing came out of today!) The wave starts were so spread out so far between the men and the women that I ended up swimming the entire swim alone until I caught the slower men from the earlier waves.  I love my new TYR Hurricane wetsuit.  It was our first swim together (so much for 'not trying anything new on race day,' huh?) and so far it's love at first swim.

Check out the tongue action!

I told myself earlier today I was going to RACE my bike.  Not just meander along and use it as a "training ride," but really see what these legs had in them. I kept thinking of this poem:

But I changed the words around and made it, "Swim like your coach is watching, Bike like you've never crashed..." Today was the 3-week mark from my horrible crash, but I biked fearlessly (and safely) today.  When others were spinning, I was laying down the hammer.  I was racing my bike!  Then, the party ended.  Halfway through the bike, I discovered I had a flat tire in my front wheel. It was such a Debbie Downer (wah-wah-wah).


"This is good practice. You know what to do..." I told myself this to stay calm.  I've never flatted in a race.  I was doing fine until I was trying to fit the tire over the new tube.  I flagged down a guy who happened to be the perfect person to "bother."  Turns out he was completely off course from his sprint triathlon bike course and was totally lost and totally nice, so he didn't mind.


To make a long story short, it took 5 different cyclists and various tubes and patch kits to get me up and running again.  During those 45 minutes that we were all on the side of the road, I wanted to quit and just wait for the SAG vehicle.  I really didn't care anymore.  But then it was fixed, so Mike decided to finish up the long course bike route with me.  He was good company, and made the remaining miles go by faster.  My attitude completely changed.  It was more about being thankful for genuinely good people in life and enjoying a beautiful day on my bike with my new friend, rather than a time goal.


We came into T2 and lost each other for a bit.  I ran the first 2 miles alone and hated every step. I thought how much fun I wasn't having, and how I wanted to quit. (How do you even drop out of these races? Should I finish the first 6 mile loop and then turn in my timing chip? But weren't they giving out swim preems for the fastest times? If I dropped out, I wouldn't qualify, right?) These were the delusional thoughts that were going through my head.  Until I saw Mike.  He was like my freakin' angel in a blue jersey.  Apparently, he had run ahead of me and spotted me on the turn-around running to mile 3.  He really was going to run 13.1 miles! This was huge since he's never done more than an Olympic distance triathlon before. It gave me new purpose to finish- to see someone accomplish their own big goal.  


I was tired and couldn't spare any extra oxygen to talk, so I asked him to tell me a story.  He kept me entertained for 11 miles with his stories about his traveling to Bolivia, New Zealand, Ecuador, Peru, Rome and France.  We shared Clif Shotblocks and jokes, and he kept my mind intrigued and made the miles pass so much more quickly.  He ran with me and never made me feel slow.  He called it "steady" and assured me that it was the best way to quadruple an anticipated race distance and best assimilate a "sprinter" into a long-course athlete.  

Today I learned that the company you surround yourself with is a large predictor of your own success and your attitude.  Alone, I wanted to quit. Together with Mike, we both achieved our own version of "success."  Success for me today was merely finishing and not throwing in the towel, and his was defined by reaching a new milestone in triathlon distance.  By stating his goal, it gave me renewed purpose in finishing.  

As we were nearing the finish chute, I asked if we could hold hands as we crossed the finish line.  He agreed.  To me, this symbolized the heart and soul of this sport- overcoming obstacles, persevering, and helping one another achieve something greater than he or she could accomplish alone.  And that, my friends, is so much more important than nailing a personal time goal.

Friends for 38 of the last 70.3 miles, but memories to last for a lifetime