Choosing Hope.

This blog has almost gone into hibernation- I am realizing that my last post was almost a month ago.  Hibernation reminds me of caves, and in fact, it is fitting, since I told three different doctors (with their different specialties) in the past month, "I just want to go find a cave and die there."  Antibiotics, medications and having no true diagnosis for your misery can cause a person to say some pretty intense things.

I'm glad to say that I've ditched the cave idea.  The antibiotics seemed to do their job, or at least I believed they were fighting something, and even though test results came back negative a few days later, the placebo effect had already kicked in and I was convinced I was better.

The sun helped me too.  I knew that being outside would help get me out of my funk, and a sunny mid-day swim and biking session did exactly that.  

Out of the cave, back into the sunshine.

This whole experience made me realize the power of our thoughts.  If you let them, they will spiral downward into a defeated mess.  I was barely sleeping some nights because of my symptoms, so the physical exhaustion did not help relieve any stress, which probably fed the inflammatory cycle even more.  I knew this wasn't helping at all.  Deep down, I knew that the best thing was to accept the situation, look for the positive, and focus on the good.  Choose hope.  I had to deliberately teach myself to change my thought pattern- going from contemplating a cave death to focusing on how I can heal myself, inside and out, with cilantro/parsley concoctions, drinking special tea blends, and working on stress management.  Just like in meditation, the mind can only focus on one thought at a time.  

I choose hope.

I just had to learn this lesson on a much grander scale.  Life is funny like that.