Reigniting My Fire.

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." 
-Albert Schweitzer

Tonight's view from the campfire...

It's interesting how you don't even realize how you're down to burning your own embers until you meet a kindred spirit.  It's like the right-side of my brain finally exploded and took over my left brain, and my mind is spinning with ideas, visions and big dreams.  At night, sometimes I can't sleep, so I just roll over and write my ideas in my journal.  Getting them down on paper helps, and I find that when I look over them the next morning, I gain more momentum and draw lines connecting those ideas to new ones that I write down.

I've missed this; this feeling of adrenaline, excitement, of being in the flow-state. It's fun to do this alone, but when you meet someone else who shares your fundamental dreams and visions and can give you open suggestions of how to improve yourself, this is what gives me a heartbeat. 

I love the musical Once, and my favorite scene is when Glen Hansard first teaches his song to Marketa Irglova.  I love the expression on his face when she starts harmonizing with him; it's like his smile recognizes this beautiful creative union- something that he would not have been able to accomplish alone.  When you meet other creatives/musicians/entrepreneurs, it is a beautiful thing to experience that magic, that fire...that shared vision and deep connection over something bigger than ourselves.

Two days ago, I scribbled in my journal a truth that I had discovered that day- "Awakenings stem from life's darkest moments." Three years ago, I experienced one of the darkest periods of my life, and looking back, I am amazed at the ways I've grown in my understanding of the world, of myself, and of others.  Thank you to all of those who have helped me rediscover and rekindle my inner spirit.  You know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  

Show Up. Take A Bow.

"Knowing your path and going after what you believe in will naturally create serendipity around the right people that will support you, love you and help you grow; and if you continue to shape your life based on what you love, I believe everything else will just fall into place." 

-Amanda Slavin

Sometimes it just requires that you show up- the path unfolds after you take that first step...

The phone rang tonight, and on the other end was my 7 year-old niece.

"Do you want to come to my piano recital? It's on September 28th at 2:30pm."

I smiled and replied, "Oh absolutely!! I would love to come and support you!"

Her tone suddenly changed and became somber.  "I'm afraid that I'm going to mess up.  What will people think if I make a mistake?"  

"It's ok.  Everyone makes mistakes.  You just keep going.  Some people won't even know that you even made the mistake.  It's all about having the right attitude."

I heard a sigh at the other end of the phone.  Continuing in her very serious tone she answered, "My attitude is telling me that I don't want to play in the piano recital."

I told her the story of how nervous I used to get before all of my piano recitals.  One time, I started playing the wrong piece. (Claire de Lune and Long, Long Ago do sound pretty similar starting out, just for the record).  "And remember," I added, "We love you and will be there to support you.  And even if you make a mistake, we love you just the same because we are proud of you for being brave."

Her artwork of my sister and me playing the piano together...

Later tonight, it occurred to me- oh how some things never change, even when you're an adult!  We are all afraid of making mistakes, being negatively judged, feeling inadequate.  It may not be on a piano stage- it could be in the boardroom, giving a presentation, standing in front of intimidating colleagues, or in the classroom.

It's knowing, however, at the end of the day, that there are people in the audience who love you unconditionally.  They are clapping just as loudly for you whether you performed flawlessly or completely flopped.  They believe not only in your potential, but in who you are, at this exact moment.  And they cheer the loudest when you smile and take a bow, regardless if you perfectly hit all of the notes or forgot a whole entire section of the piece.

As an entrepreneur, I know that vulnerable experiences are exciting but they can also be frightening.  Like my niece, those same questions are floating in my head at times- "What if I mess up?  What if I make a mistake?"  Just like piano recitals, I know that not everything goes as planned.  It's what you do afterwards to recover that matters more.  You take a deep breath, collect yourself, move on, and later find yourself experiencing the love and joy of the music once again.

We must never let our fear prevent us from showing up on stage.

And whatever happens, we must always smile widely and take a bow, knowing that our tribe is out there in the audience, proudly cheering and clapping for us.

Asking the right questions...

Wild and Precious.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" 

-Mary Oliver

I find that nature always keeps me balanced and asking the big questions.

I love this quote; such a profound question that we often fail to ask ourselves.  I'm starting to figure out the answer- the excitement literally keeps me up at night.  Although the details are still working themselves out, I know that my plan includes the following- service, gratitude, creativity and empowerment.

And from what I know of the world so far, only amazing and miraculous things stem from those intentions...

Finding My Trail...

"If the path before you is clear, you're probably on someone else's." 

-Joseph Campbell

I love how life provides you with the tools and the people you need at the exact moment when you need them.  This past year, I feel like I'm finally emerging from the "thrash."  What's the "thrash?" It's that place/process where your creativity and gifts and passions are swirling around without a true direction.

I remember when I met my Ironman coach, Marv.  There was something in our meeting that was serendipitous; we both rarely did the Cyclepath group rides, but somehow we ended up chatting on that ride and exchanging information.  I liked his energy, I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was, but my friendships with him and his wife Jo were transformational to who I am today.  Together, under their coaching and guidance, I was able to miraculously cross that Ironman finish line.

I love good stories.  An entrepreneur once said, "You can't sell your product without telling your story.  Once you tell your story, people can trust you."  I am obsessed with people's stories of how they stopped conforming to the framework of what society deemed was correct for them, and instead, found their own path, their own trail.  Stories like those of Lissa Rankin, Danielle LaPorte, Leo Babauta...

What if we took up this model and stripped away the concrete layers and stories we've told ourselves and instead embraced and stepped into the unknown?  

Last week I had the pleasure of meeting someone whose entire business is built around this concept- to find your trail.  There is something innately beautiful about connecting to ourselves in nature, and through that, unlocking who we really are.  I love meeting people who get me thinking deeper and inspire me to extend my gifts and passions to serve more people.  

My version of happy hour(s)

Finding your own trail can often be uncertain and muddy, but it's always more fun and adventurous with a like-minded guide.  Sometimes not having a map and trusting your own intuition is the best part.  I'm pretty excited to see what the future holds- and I know that wherever my feet take me will be worthwhile and breathtaking.

SunsetSmilesSunsetMiles.

"Everyday is a good day when you run." 

-Kevin Nelson

#nationalrunningday

What Did You Fail at Today?

For most children, dinner table conversations include questions like, "How was your day? What went well today for you?" But for Sarah Blakely, the founder of Spanx, she was asked a much different question each night by her father at the kitchen table- "What did you fail at today?"

She recalls, "If there was nothing, he'd be disappointed. I think failure is nothing more than life's way of nudging you that you are off course. My attitude to failure is not attached to outcome, but in not trying. It is liberating. Most people attach failure to something not working out or how people perceive you. This way, it is about answering to yourself. Failure was something we sought out and not this scary thing."

I've recently adopted this notion of the 'Blakely kitchen table' in my own life and started asking myself that question each night, "What did I fail at today?'  You may think that this question could lead someone down the hole into depression and straight to Loserville, but I am finding that the exact opposite happens.  In a sense, it is actually making me more fearless, urging me to constantly stretch myself in all areas of life.  So often it is easy to remain comfortable and to continue doing the things we are good at, right? But contemplating what I 'failed' at means that I need to try more things.  

Doing pool work post-work.

In the pool, I can comfortably swim 10 x 100 yards on the 1:30 interval.  I've been able to hold this interval (uncomfortably at times), but for the most part, since college.  Tonight, I decided to try and speed it up a bit, aiming for 10 x100 yds on the 1:25 interval. I made it to the 6th 100 until my lungs felt like they were going to explode and I hit the wall right when I was supposed to leave for the next interval. Did I feel like a failure?  Not at all!  Today, it wasn't about 'failing' to swim 10 x 100 yds on the 1:25, but learning that I had the speed and strength to swim 5 of them at that pace; something that I would have never even attempted in the past.  Sarah Blakely's father was brilliant.

I am allowing this question to permeate my life not only in sport, but also in the kitchen, in my relationships, and in my career. And so far, I've found that it has only been positive, spurring me on to stretch and try new things, without judgement or criticism.  Allow yourself to have the imaginative freedom to envision what you want to create in your life, without the inhibiting fear that most people have of the fear of failure.

Trying new things in the kitchen...I took a chance and didn't measure anything.
Thankfully, these sweet potato energy balls turned out well!

I prefer a different set of wheels, but hey, I tried!

Sometimes, it all boils down to reframing and rethinking the notion of failure. If you want to change your life, change the question- "What did you fail at today?"

Just what I was looking for. #change #SantaCruz

Get ready to be liberated. Get ready to be amazed.

Good Stuff.

Yup. Sounds about right.

I saw this quote, and thought it summed up the past week and a half pretty well.  These days have been filled with lots of fun adventures, trying new poses, new recipes, new riding routes.  

So close to touching my hands together! #workinprogress

On Monday, I had the worst bike ride I've had in a long time.  It was my fault, my breakfast was sub-par and rushed, and I paid for it in a big way.  The fact that I did weighted squat jumps the day before probably didn't help my legs much either.  Mid-ride I found myself at the gas station, where I inhaled a Clifbar and a banana.  I actually bought a banana and ate it. (For those who know me, I hate plain bananas...barf!!) But desperate times call for desperate measures.  PIC was the best and she pulled me all the way through the wind and was so nice.  I was a mess mentally and physically.  It felt nice not to be judged, but to just chalk it up to another adventure.

I guess you win some, you lose some.  Yesterday was a new day with a new riding buddy.  My legs felt better, but they still had a hard time keeping up with the ever-speedy Michelle!  I think when you hear someone's story and it resonates with you, you can't help but become emotionally involved.  Stories of love and loss, sharing long bike rides with the person you care about most, and navigating the roads again- alone.  We climbed and cried together.  It's like going from riding a tandem and being the stoker to all of a sudden having to ride your own bike, pedal your own weight, and become your own captain of the ride.  I think once you've been there and survived, it becomes easier to hold space for others.  When your past pain can allow you to empathize and help another, it really brings things full circle.  I love that.

There is always beauty after a storm. Trust me.

Onto the recipes.  I suppose failure is a part of the process.  So I am learning to enjoy the process.  I love PK because she gives good constructive feedback.  There were no blueberries at the store so I swapped them out for raspberries, which made things taste less sweet and watered down the muffin.  And I guess extra eggs don't pick up the slack for not adding butter or another fat.  Even a printed recipe can use modification, I suppose.  Back to the drawing board for these muffins...

Lemon raspberry coconut flour muffins. Or, as I'd say, what not to do to a muffin.

And I've realized too how much I need the water.  I saw some parents on deck barking orders /coaching their kids- they were super strict, making them do drills and timing their splits.  It was a Saturday, for cryin' out loud.  A part of me hoped that the kids wouldn't be bitter, but rather that they would appreciate this gift and love the water.  Never would I think that I would return again and again to the pool for stress-relief, to calm my mind, and come up with my most creative projects.  There's something about the water that I am drawn to...

"Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again." -Joseph Campbell

It's a good day too when you find a piece of clothing that reflects what you love!

Thank you Express, for making a portofino shirt with bikes on it.  My wardrobe is now complete!

I can't believe that May is just around the corner.  Cheers to new adventures, connecting with good people, and growing.  In a few days, I'll be in the Santa Cruz mountains to continue this theme...