Enter/Return.

The other day I noticed a certain key on my laptop- you know the one- on the right hand side, middle of the keyboard...the "return" key.

The one on my Mac laptop happens to say "enter" and "return" on the same key.  And I found how my recent trip to San Diego, a time that was originally planned to be spent up at Lake Tahoe acclimating, was a beautiful representation of that key.  Here I was, returning to a city that I loved, yet also entering a new space filled with new friends and experiences that I never got around to doing while I resided there for 5 years...

Kayaking at La Jolla Caves. Sea lions, seasickness, the whole shebang.

Tried out candlelight hot yoga for the first time at Core Power Yoga.

Lunchtime longcourse with UCSD Masters swimming.

Had to see what all the rage was about...and yes, it was delicious!
We definitely need Beaming up north!

And, on the opposite side of the healthfood spectrum...
This was my first time here.  I know, I know.  Sad, but true.

I went from a completely regimented schedule of train/work/train to now waking up, asking myself what I wanted to do, trying to remember what day it was, and then jumping from adventure to adventure.  In a nutshell, it was awesome.

The views were pretty awesome too.
Sunset at Pacific Beach.

Digested my oysters from Crab Catcher while witnessing the seagulls and sunset.

I didn't start riding my bike until after college, so I had no cycling connections in San Diego, nor was I familiar with any of the routes.  Thanks to Instagram, I was able to connect with some really amazing people who I already knew I would like, even without meeting them.  I already knew their cool riding spots, what they liked to eat, and the things they found important in their life, all via pictures.  It's neat to see how social media can connect individuals in the most non-creepy way.  To me, it blows Facebook out of the water.  Yes, your baby is cute and adorable, and with daily updates, I will be able to witness him growing up all the way up to high school!  So yes, Instagram rocks in my opinion.

Thanks to beauty of the hashtag "IMLT," it was an absolute pleasure to meet two fellow IMLT athletes and share a coast ride with them on their last bike ride before Ironman.  The journey we shared as athletes in such a long span of training months was quite similar, and it was a true blessing to meet and hug Heather and Shawn in person.  I'll be cheering for you both on Sunday as you rock Ironman Lake Tahoe!!  

Morning miles along the coast. (thanks, Heather!)

Thank you, James G. for hooking me up with Jim Bean (www.bikecrave.com) whose wheel I followed to the infamous VeloHangar bike shop and back around the Artesian road through some winding backroads of Rancho Santa Fe.  He kindly dedicated his lunch hour(s) just to show me the sights of San Diego on two wheels.  I loved hearing his stories of racing (before they had aerobars and tri kits) and was so humbled to share some saddletime with such an amazing athlete.

What a fun wheel to follow...

The infamous VeloHangar van where all the bike pics are taken...

Looking back, the 'old' me would have been too scared to step out of my comfort zone and bike with people who I knew were more experienced/faster in fear that I would be judged.  But I've learned that sometimes just showing up and giving it what you've got and having a positive attitude makes a huge difference.  When you reach out in faith, people are really kind and generous and take care of you.  And this just makes you want to return the favor to someone else.

Lake Tahoe this weekend for me will represent the duality symbolized in the computer key.   On one hand, I will be returning to Lake Tahoe.  But this time, I'll be entering the city not as an athlete, but as a spectator/cheerleader.  Yes, it does make me sad.  But as Felipe from Breakaway Training told me over the phone in San Diego, "There's always next season." (and next time I'm down in SD, I can't wait to join you for a workout!) Yes, very true.  My eyes are definitely set for next racing season, but for now, I'm really enjoying this current (more relaxed) season of exploring new things in life, love and sport.  Mountain biking, anyone?

Welcome Home.

"Inhale, plank. 
Exhale, chaturanga.  
Inhale, updog.  
Exhale, downward dog."

The room was filled with glistening bodies as we lost ourselves in the beat of deep House music and the subtlety of our breath.  My mat was inches from Mike, a fellow cyclist who had introduced me to this studio and instructor.  Synchronized together, we flowed from Warrior I to Warrior II pose.

Imagine this- but sans the ocean waves...

I could hear the instructor's deep voice- "Be brave.  Be strong."

My mind focused only on the rhythmic movement of my body, in sync with my breath.  Sweat droplets streamed down my body and face, mixing with my tears.  It was a cathartic release from the earlier events of the day- coming to terms with the abrupt closure in a relationship dear to my heart, and the looming uncertainties with my foot within the scheme of Ironman.

On the mat I realized that with closure in one area , there is always room for new opportunities in other areas.  I relaxed into a space of non-judgement, neutrality, and acceptance.  In that moment, I let go.

Inhale, exhale.  Ebb and flow.  The ending of a sequence leads to the opening of another- both on and off the mat.

We continued the sun salutation sequence on our own, each connecting with the rhythm of our own bodies and breath.  We all met each other in downward-facing dog, taking three deep breaths.  That's when I heard the instructor's voice again, resounding with a quiet strength that gave me shivers since it fit so well with my state of bliss- "Welcome home."

Saturday's 10-hour training session followed suite- a long swim, bike and water run where I hoped to be in the same mental space- one of acceptance, neutrality and non-judgement.

I knew I needed a solo ride to prove to myself that I could endure a mentally and physically long day without the playful stories and jokes of training partners (aka. awesome distractions from the distance/course/screaming legs).  I packed the ipod shuffle as back-up, just in case my mind turned negative and I needed to shut it off.  I had people praying for my safety and specifically, that I would have positive thoughts running through my head during the long day.

I had one of the best rides I've experienced all season.  I rode my favorite routes- the same familiar winding roads that healed my broken heart and that were shared with dear friends.  I was reminded of all the good company throughout the years and all the people in my life who have helped me get this far.  I found my rhythm, my breath, and effortlessly pedaled up hills that I remember being difficult in the past.  As I crested up to the top of the hill to Skyline, I pedaled past the point where I had fallen over, clipped in, after sheer exhaustion from climbing back in 2009 (thanks, Merrick!).

"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view.  May your mountains rise into and above the clouds." -Edward Abbey

My legs kept pedaling, I was smiling, and mentally was in a space of absolute gratitude- thankful for the coaches I've had in my life, for my squadmates, for PK (who taught me that yoga is so much more than asanas), and for my family.  

I rode into Danville, past my crash site from last year- and was reminded of how grateful I was for my safety and for the SAG support I had for that day.  The day ended with a 2 hour water run.

The proof is in the pudding, err, pruney fingers.

On Friday, Coach warned me that the 10-hour day could bring out a lot emotionally for me.  These past few weeks have been littered in self-doubt, negativity, and fear.  He told me that this day was not only about the physical component, but more about the emotional one- I would experience extreme highs and lows.  But as he ended our conversation, he mentioned that with everything I've been through lately, "the tenacious girl I saw during those long winter rides is still in you."

Saturday was about refusing to give up- to keep moving forward with courage and faith.  I rediscovered that tenacious girl- the one who overcomes obstacles both on and off the bike- and the overwhelming joy and thrill that comes with having the willingness to risk.  I reconnected once again with the girl who felt supported, loved unconditionally, and comfortable enough to get uncomfortable-

And as I wrapped up a solid 10-hour training day on Saturday, she whispered to me, "Welcome home."

"Sometimes when you think you are done, it is just the edge of beginning.  Probably that's why we decide we're done.  It's getting too scary.  We are touching down onto something real.  It is beyond that point when you think you are done that often something strong comes out." -Natalie Goldberg