Calidoscopio.

This morning I believed with all my heart that today would be a really fast swim day, and hopefully fast enough to secure a 1st place AG win.  It may seem trite to some, but I really wanted this.  Sure, I've never raced an open water 5K, but I did the math, checked results from last year against my old 2.5K results, and trusted the amazing coaching and swim sessions that I've had since February.  As I was eating my pre-race breakfast, I happened to stumble upon this video.

It left me tearful over my bowl of oatmeal, and there were some valuable lessons I gained- Fall into your own tempo.  Don't allow the pace of others to dictate your race.  Find your own 'fast' and have faith in it.  Trust it, even if others may judge you, and comment- like the track announcer did- that you're "way out of the race right now."

Lake Del Valle. 5K = 2 loops around.  Feeding boat on bottom left! 

The swim start was competitive and fast, and unlike triathlon where strong swimmers can 'out-bully' weaker swimmers, everyone here was stubbornly battling for position and no one was letting up.  Someone behind me kept grabbing and pulling my feet down so I couldn't breathe (I know this was likely unintentional as they were probably trying to stroke their arms forward).  But still.  At one point, another swimmer and I got entangled in each other's arms so we looked like BFFs.  That actually made me laugh.

This is cool on the beach.
During a competitive open water swim?  Not so cool.

I settled into my rhythm and kept asking myself and self-assessing- "Am I giving everything that I can?  Am I squeezing out every last drop?"  I just imagined myself in the pool next to Hulk, and all of those times when we'd have butterfly interspersed into a long swim set to build endurance- just enough to raise the heart rate, but short enough to still recover from that effort and settle back into your rhythm.  Like the butterfly, I'd sprint to chase the bubbles in front of me, roll through it, and recover.  And repeat.  On the second lap around, there was no 'pack,' but merely random individual swimmers sprinkled throughout the water.  To choose a target was meaningless.  I just put my head down and kept swimming "my fast."

As I passed the final turn buoy, I turned on the motor as high as it would go.  At this point, we were all so spread out, each of us choosing a different line to the finishing chute.  I channeled Calidoscopio, coming along that last turn- strong, in rhythm and in flow.

I ran up the ramp and almost lost my balance as the volunteer removed my timing chip.  "Good job, Bob!" I looked up in surprise at who knew my secret nickname, and it was Talia- we had swam together through high school and at UCSD. It was great to see her there. Another friendly face had also perfectly timed his bike ride to hear the announcer say my name- it really made my day.

I was really happy with my swim- 1:25:35.  Was the course longer than 3.1 miles?  Some said yes.  Regardless, I was proud of my effort and was pretty sure that I had placed.  All that changed when I checked the results.  My heart sank.  Above my name was another 32 year-old girl's name, with a time faster than mine by 15 seconds.  All of a sudden, in a flurry of disappointment, a really perfect swim became the object of detailed analysis.  

"Should I have gone out faster?"  I answered myself right away- "No.  I went out as fast as I could."  I took a leap of faith and wasn't afraid to swim alone, even if it meant ditching the feet in front of me and the effortless draft they offered.  I knew deep down in my heart that I swam the best race that I could.  I told myself, "C'mon!  You should be so happy with 2nd place!"   But still, I couldn't shake the disappointment. 

And that's when I met Susan.

As the last swimmer finishing the 5K, her 5K swim time rivaled that of some people who did the 10K swim... 3+ hours.  In fact, as she was toweling off, some people asked her if she had just finished the 10K swim.  You couldn't tell since she had a huge smile spread across her face.  Her 63 year-old body was beaming.  "That was the hardest thing that I've ever done.  I wanted to quit so badly.  But I didn't.  I'm so incredibly proud of myself that I could cry!"

Wow.  Attitude check.

Susan continued, "I know I'm a slow swimmer.  I know that."  In our conversation, I learned that she had just started swimming when she was 54 years old.  

I was intrigued.  "What did you tell yourself when you wanted to quit?"
"I dedicated this race to my friend who has cancer.  And even though this is hard, it's nothing in comparison to fighting cancer.  I do these open water swims and everyone asks me, 'What was your time?  What was your time??'"

She paused.  It was at that moment when our eyes met and I spoke.  "But really, time doesn't matter.  At the end of the day, you and I both swam a 5K.  And that's a lot more swimming than most people would ever attempt.  Your courage, irrespective of your finishing time, will serve to inspire the people you know to attempt something that is outside of their comfort zone."

She began to cry.  "Thank you."  I looked at her as well with tear-filled eyes.  Really, I was thankful to her.  Her attitude gave me a renewed and different perspective.  Sure, it would have been nice to win 1st place.  But at the the end of the day, it's more about giving all you have, at that moment, and surrendering the outcome.  And that's what we both did today.

When I look at my medal, I'll be reminded of Susan- and even if she never wins a tangible medal for her swim efforts, I know that her heart and her story is adorned with those medals of courage, honor, and faith- things of lasting value.

Hardware to remind me of this day and the lessons I learned.

Perhaps just like Susan and Calidoscopio- even if others label you as 'older' and 'slower,' you must learn to be comfortable going at your own pace in your own race.  In your jobs, relationships, or marriages, outsiders may judge and say that you are "way out of the race right now."  The trick is to drown out the voices of those critics and trust what you know is true.  It's at this moment when the race- and the victory- are yours for the taking.

Blurred Lines.

Lines are complex things.  For the most part, they act as protective boundaries.  But I've discovered in life that sometimes they can become self-limiting.  These lines exist in our personal, professional, and athletic realms for a reason and need to be respected, but it saddens me when protectiveness trumps trust.

Sport has a funny way of blurring those lines.  I've both gained and lost amazing friendships from crossing those lines.  I've worked in companies where the Top Dogs had minimal interaction with ancillary staff.  To a certain degree, I understand that.  So I am extremely thankful for those professionals who do their job and save lives at work, yet are not afraid to ditch the white lab coat after hours and join me for a trail run.  Recently, I was so proud to witness my new running buddy triple the maximum distance he had ever done in a single run with me.  As we were sweating it out and navigating the terrain together, I was able to get to know not only an incredible doctor, but an incredible person.

If you're going to run, run around the whole lake.
Right?

I love how sport can obliterate job titles and age gaps.  In the water or on the road, status doesn't matter.  Everyone just is.  I recall one time in San Diego when I shared a lane with the CEO of Triathlete magazine.  I remember seeing him in an editorial meeting just a few days before, commanding authority while the rest of us scribbled down notes silently.  However, in the water, status didn't matter- we were just two swimmers trying to beat the pace clock.

This Saturday, I'm racing my very first 5K open water swim.  I'm excited to challenge my "redline/I'm-about-to-blow-up" line.  According to Coach, it only really exists in my head.  I must say, however, that "the line" seems very real when I watch Hulk effortlessly swim 2 full body lengths in front of me and I can't catch him to save my life.  I'm deciding now that I'm not going to be scared, I'm going to be curious...

This makes it seem so....easy.

I'll find out the Truth on Saturday.  It's time to get out of my head, get uncomfortable, and obliterate that fictitious line.

The start of our 10 mile time trial.
Clearly I like to cross lines. (This was an honest mistake, I promise.)

Now these are some lines I need to pay attention to for Saturday's swim. We do this loop twice.
Hopefully I can swim in a straight line!

In 15 short weeks, this is the open water I'll be navigating-
Kings Beach, Lake Tahoe.

Lines- sometimes it leaves me wondering how life and sport would be without them.  It seems fitting too, that with all this talk about blurred lines, this currently happens to be my favorite song right now and has been playing nonstop on the iPod...

What ARE You?

Last week, I was asked this question three times.  Three times!  In one week.  I was never asked this on a trail, but if and when it happens, I now know how to appropriately respond.

Memories Don't Die.

May 27th.
19 years ago, my fellow classmate, Jenny Lin, was tied up and stabbed to death in her home.  I still remember that morning, walking outside to grab the morning paper.  My hands were shaking as I read the headlines splattered across the front page of the newspaper.  It seemed unreal.  She was the poster child of a perfect student and a perfect daughter- an accomplished musician, a straight-A student, and a kind friend.  It was a month before our 8th grade graduation.  We had the same Birkenstock sandals.

To this day, no one has been arrested.  There are many unanswered questions.  I sometimes wonder who she would have grown up to be professionally and what those amazingly raw talents at the tender age of 14 would have developed into.  Her legacy will always remain- her smile, her bangs cut straight across her face, the music she loved and created, and the friends she kept.

Whenever this day rolls around, I remember.  To me, this day serves as a candid reminder that life is short and so often can be unfairly stripped away. 

Hug those you love.  Don't be afraid to vocalize your feelings and tell those who you admire how valuable they are to you.

Some of my best #bananaart yet...

Live wide.
Love deep.
Because you really never know when your last day on this earth will be.

More fun. More plants.

After a fun swim sesh this morning (it wasn't exactly fun, but it was fun to see how much faster Coach can float than the rest of us mortals) , unfortunately there was this...

Seen in Alameda before my haircut. 

...because I had a fun post-birthday, post-Mother's Day date reserved for my mom.  We headed to HMB for the day where my obsession with plants was further exacerbated by our day's outing.

Farmers markets make me so happy!  The lady behind me, not so much...

Farmer's market finds.  I just cooked up the red chard and it was amazing.

Bought this today. If you're gonna be plant-powered, you might as well be sexy!

Just some of the hilarious recipes inside...

Picked up 2 new succulent plants from the nursery to remind me to live a succulent life.
Nah, just kidding.  It's only because succulents are more likely to survive at my place.
I like to think that I have a green thumb.
But it's really just golden tan.

Tomorrow is race day for Wolfie!  I'm excited to see her race since I've seen her put the work in day after day, and I know she is hungry to gobble up more prey on the course tomorrow.

Just kidding, that's not Wolfie!

The real Wolfie and Shadow (as evidenced by our race bibs)

The alarm is set for 3 am, which means bedtime is now...

Being Passionate- about plants.

I stood there in my white lab coat.  He sat on the bed in his hospital gown, grasping his "Patient Belongings" bag as to silently send a message- "Keep it quick, lady, I'm getting out of here soon."

He was getting ready to leave.
I was getting ready to teach my usual "nutrition for weight loss" education, since that was the reason I was summoned to his room before he was discharged.

I could sense his body stiffen; he was bracing himself for the usual "Don't eat sugar, don't drink sodas, don't eat fast food, don't eat ice cream, don't have a life, blah, blah, blah."

I took a deep breath and threw him a curveball.  

"Eat more plants."  I paused, awaiting his reaction.  Immediately, he relaxed.

"Yes, just eat more plants.  It's that simple." I went on to explain that when you fill your diet with more nutrient-dense plant foods, you just feel better and after awhile, your cravings for less nutritious and processed foods begin to diminish.  I told him parts of my own story.  We actually had a conversation about food versus me preaching to deaf ears.

And at the end of it all, he said something to me that I received as one of the biggest compliments-  "Wow. You are really passionate about plants."

It hit home because passion is something that you can't fake.  There are some things in life that give you a heartbeat and that you truly believe in, and when those things happen to go hand-in-hand with your profession, it confirms that you are on your right path.  And it's true, I am really passionate about plants.  Recently, I've shifted my diet to becoming even more plant-based, especially after watching the documentary Vegecated.  After purchasing my Vitamix, it's been much easier incorporating more plants into my diet on a daily basis, and I've definitely felt a huge change in my mood, my outlook on life (I'm more positive!), and my recovery from workouts.

I eat almost 4 bunches per week. Kale-lujah! #kalesale

Who said salads can't be full-blown meals?
Who knew that cutting cherry tomatoes and flipping them upside down = <3 

Homemade roasted beet chips in coconut oil- good for endurance athletes!

Tonight's creation- Amaranth (a pseudograin high in protein, iron, calcium, Vitamin E and magnesium!) Tabouli salad... Thanks to PK for supplying the amaranth!

Plants are life-giving.
Plants make you feel happier and more vibrant.
Plants give you more energy and mental clarity.

So often, people are told to remove things from their diets to become healthier.  I agree to a certain point, but I believe that this triggers a sense of restriction that could lead to further bingeing.  Perhaps it is easier for people to keep things the same and just start by adding more plants into their diet.

Drink a green drink in the morning.
Add a salad to your lunch.
Incorporate some spinach in to your sandwich.

Soon, you will start to feel an energetic shift that is undeniable.  And I guarantee you that soon you will also be really passionate- about plants.

Parenting and Pottery.

With Mother's Day being last Sunday, it really got me thinking about parenting- not just the diapers, laundry, Play Doh messes and school projects, but the parenting part- like knowing where to draw the line, when to lay down the discipline and when to give in- and doing it all with unconditional love... In reality, no book can teach you how to do this.  Hats off to all the parents out there.  I don't know how you do it.  It's hard enough for me to remember when to deep condition my hair and take out the trash.

On Monday, my dad called me to let me know that the ceramic teacup I had made was now glazed and finished.  When I had last left my teacup, it was plain white.  Back then my dad asked me, "Do you want me to put a design on it?"  I didn't hesitate to answer.  "Absolutely!"

I loved the design that he put on it- one of his signature "Kanzaki-swoosh" marks that was inspired in-the-moment and always artistically contains three dots, representing the Trinity.  Like Thomas Kinkade always hid his wife's initials in his paintings, all of my dad's ceramic pieces contain this similar trademark.

I got home and was admiring my precious teacup.  In a way, it symbolically reminded me of the relationship between a parent and a child.  I remembered the process of transforming that blob of clay by gently molding it with my hands and applying just the right amount of pressure and water.  Too much pressure, and the cup would have wobbled and collapsed.  Too much water, and the cup would have become a heap of slurry.  I thought about how my dad had artistically "marked" the cup in his expression of creativity and love- and how parents often put their mark and investments into their child with the purest of intentions.

And similarly, just as each ceramic piece must be fired at a high temperature in the kilm to remove impurities, each child must endure a coming of age into adulthood with its similar tests of character refinement.  A ceramicist who stares at the final product- a teacup- may be like a parent wondering about their child-
"Will she fill her life with good things?  Things of lasting qualities?  Things of integrity?  Will she be half empty or half full? Will she hold things that are sweet or bitter?"

I placed the teacup on my mantle as a reminder- I want to be a cup filled with encouragement  that refreshes other's spirits.  I want to be of service.  I want to hold only those qualities that nourish and strengthen.  I want to always be filled with faith, perseverance, and hope.

Sunshine yellow dress + tiara + rockstar legs = Mom-to-be Brooke

One of GL Coaching's own, Brooke, will be a mom soon.  All of us are excited for this new chapter in her life.  Knowing Brooke, I am confident that her little teacup will be filled to the brim with qualities of strength, grace, tenacity, humility, and pure grit, just like her momma.  Cheers to all the parents out there- thank you for taking to the potter's wheel and doing your best to create living and beautiful art through your children.

Can't wait for Addison to grow out of these so I can draft off of her!