Just Write.

"Your feet are swollen, you need to make a dentist appointment, the dog needs to be let out, you have to defrost the chicken and make a phone call to your cousin in Boston, you're worried about your mother's glaucoma, you forgot to put film in the camera, Safeway has a sale on solid white tuna, you are waiting for a job offer, you just bought a computer and you have to unpack it. You have to start eating sprouts and stop eating doughnuts, you lost your favorite pen, and the cat peed on your current notebook.

Take out another notebook, pick up another pen, and just write, just write, just write. In the middle of the world, make one positive step. In the center of chaos, make one definitive act. Just write. Say yes, stay alive, be awake. Just write. Just write. Just write."

-Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

2014- a year in review...

Yesterday I filled the last page in my journal, which I started writing in on January 1st. What an amazing year of writing it's been, as metaphors, poetry, to-do lists and miracles filled those lines on each page. I am astonished at how such a simple of act of picking up the pen each day has allowed me to discover so much about myself. So even if I slept poorly and I have a million emails to return and programs to write and shoes to lace up and bike tires to pump up and green smoothies to make and hair to curl and eyeliner to apply, I pick up the pen and write. Just write. Just write. Just write.

Vegan Gluten-free Ginger Cookies.

Even if you're bloated from eating too much pumpkin pie over Christmas and the thought of another leftover See's Candies makes you nauseous, you can still enjoy one of these cookies and go about the rest of your day without a sugar hangover or feeling guilty.

The first time I made these…well, I don't really want to talk about it.  So, after some tips from PK, the second time around I used Bob's Red Mill gluten-free all-purpose flour, as well as a silpat mat (instead of an air-bake pan), and had her magical ingredient of ground cardamom. (Don't ask how I attempted it with cardamom pods the first time around).

INGREDIENTS:
-2 cups all-purpose gluten-free flour
-3/4 c. coconut sugar
-1 tsp baking powder
-1 tsp baking soda
-1/4 tsp salt
-1 Tbsp ground ginger
-1 1/2 tsp ground cardamom
-1/2 c. extra virgin coconut oil, melted
-1/4 c. dark molasses
-1 tsp vanilla extract
-3 Tbsp almond milk
-Turbinado sugar (for sprinkling on top)

Directions:
1. In a large bowl, mix together the dry ingredients. Add the coconut oil, molasses, milk and vanilla extract and beat until just blended. Cover and refrigerate dough for 30 minutes.
2. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with a silpat mat.
3. Roll dough into small balls and place 2 inches apart. Sprinkle lightly with turbinado sugar.
4. Bake for 11-14 minutes. Let cool for 2 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

These are so delicious, and they also freeze well.  Enjoy!!

Merry and Bright.

While cresting the hill near Hiddenbrooke this morning, this Irish blessing came into my head. It seemed fitting as I pedaled behind my two girlfriends, into the sunshine and with the wind finally at our backs…

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be ever at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
and the rain fall softly on your field…

Christmas morning miles...

May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white (or full of sunshine and green hills)...

Planting Seeds from Brokenness.

The initial inspiration...

Enjoy my latest piece on Elephant Journal here.

Beannacht.

Today has been a whirlwind of errands, including trips to the bank, installing Sirius in my new car, troubleshooting an alternator on my old car, phone calls for tech support in India for a printer (we bonded over my random Hindi phrases and love for kitchari), and organizing some paperwork that needed to get done. It seems like a lot of busyness in an already busy season, so tonight I just lit some candles, played some piano, and worked on some art projects. Clearing the mind, clearing the clutter. I feel better already. I'll leave you tonight with a gem of a poem which concluded last night's winter solstice poetry reading at Point Reyes Books. Such a cozy venue, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with fellow poets, reading from a faint book light, as the rest of the store was illuminated by candlelight. Beannacht is Gaelic for "blessing"- may you be equally blessed by these words…

The cozy atmosphere from inside Point Reyes Books... 

On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak,
To mind your life.

-John O'Donohue

Fear Cannot Touch Her Here.

This week there were a lot of things to celebrate, including my first published piece!

Check it out here…

Solstice Eve.

I prefer winter and fall, when you can feel the bone structure of the landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show.

-Andrew Wyeth

View from Del Valle this morning...

Brad descending into the fog...

I also prefer winter and fall riding, with full-length leg warmers, toe-covers, long fingered gloves and wind vests, when you can feel the rain on your face and taste the gritty mud in your teeth. Something about this reminds me that I am climbing, breathing, moving, descending - living. 

Tomorrow is winter solstice, the shortest, darkest day of the year. From there on out, it all brightens and lengthens...

The Other Side.

I once dated a guy who told me straight to my face, "You know, it's good that you're a little overweight- you'll be a more empathic counselor for overweight individuals because you know firsthand what it's like." Since then, I've shed that person from my life, as well as those unwanted pounds, but sometimes those words will still echo in my head. Underneath the initial sting, I believe his message was true- we can more effectively guide people to the other side once we've walked through it ourselves.

Take the first step.

Even as writers, it's our responsibility to get people to the other side- to the other side of fear and judgement, and step into a place of ease and openness. But this can only happen when we're willing to share our own stories and walk on that bridge, over the river of despair, step by step.  If we all stay silent, we all stay paralyzed and isolated.

So don't discount your dark experiences.  Talk about them, share them, use them as supporting wooden planks that create that avenue of connection, holding our weight and acting as a bridge to bring us back to ourselves and to each other.

Syntax.

Let yourself become living poetry.

-Rumi

Wild.

"It was my life- like all lives, mysterious and irrevocable and sacred. So very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild is was, to let it be."

-Cheryl Strayed, Wild

View from today's Mt. Diablo climb. (photo cred: Brad) I was too busy pedaling my bike!

Excited to see this movie tonight with a fellow adventurer who is just as obsessed with the outdoors and finding oneself as I am.

Mystery at Limatour Beach

The waves continuously lap
hour after hour
day after day

The sun rises and falls
The sky, watercolored cotton candy pink
and magnificent hues of orange

My light is shining
They wonder from afar who I am
I remain a mystery, an enigma

Tonight I swallowed the moon
She steers me to my destination
Lighting the way

Stage Names.

He caught my eye the first day of class, his baggy red trunks sagging below his knobby knees, arms crossed defiantly while everyone else stood enthusiastically in flowery two-piece bikinis with chubby smiles and rainbow plastic goggles. Clearly swim lessons were getting in the way of his summer vacation plans and video games.

We went around and said names- Allison, Jessica, Jennifer, Matthew- and eventually all eyes landed on him.

"Keeyan."

I stopped to clarify.  "Keeyan?"

"Yeah. Keeyan."

He was always the last to enter the water. While everyone else was halfway through their 20 bobs, he would stand with his toes curled at the pool's edge, arms stiff at his side. Then, without coaxing, he would jump in, fiercely without reserve, and join in with the rest of his bobbing poolmates.

Teachers say they don't have favorites.
It's a lie.
Keeyan was mine.

He would begrudgingly blow bubbles and float on his back like a squirming baby otter, his outie belly button reminding me of my Cabbage Patch Kid dolls. When he'd put his face in the water, his legs would kick with such determination that his oversized baggy red gangster swim trunks threatened to slide off. I found it hilarious and endearing.

"Keeyan, monkey, airplane, soldier."
"Keeyan, belly up, pretend you're Santa Claus…big belly in the air."
"Kick, kick, kick, Keeyan! Arms straight out in front of you, like Superman!"

For weeks, from 10:00-10:30am, I witnessed Keeyan's transformation from a disoriented drowning rat into a calmer, smoother golden retriever paddling out to fetch a stick.  Keeyan was my success story. Fistbumps and all.

The last day at the end of class, an older woman approached the pool deck, her arms spread wide holding a faded blue terrycloth towel.  She smiled at me, then looked down at Keeyan.  

"Get out, Ken. And say thank you."

I was speechless, betrayed, duped.
And then I laughed.

I wonder how many of us deliberately swim through life in our constructed facades and shells, paddling as fast as we can to preserve that freedom, in hopes to not get called out by our loved ones? 
Don't we all?
Whether we're Clark Kent
or Saint Nick
or Ken.

And yet realizing that at times we need those stage names to transform us into our alter ego, fearless and gangster and badass? Perhaps instead, it's about striking a balance between that certain special magic of our imagined selves and our real, raw, messy selves, trying to stay afloat and not get water up our noses.  It's knowing when to put away the cape and put on the nerdy specs instead. 

And Keeyan, wherever you are, I hope you're swimming in the deepest oceans, untethered by those awful red swim trunks, fearless and full of imagination.  I'm sure Ken would agree, that summer you taught me the true swim lesson.

The Uses of Sorrow.

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me

a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand,

that this, too, was a gift.

-Mary Oliver, Thirst

Taking Flight.

Sunset from Limatour Beach

Still soaking in this past weekend.  Grateful to be in the creative company of so many published writers and writing professors.  Proud of myself for showing up and being as present and brave and vulnerable as I could.  It was beautiful to meet such unique individuals and hear their poetic artistry as it landed on the page.  Perhaps the greatest lesson was learning that we are all the same- walking these same shores of life, witnessing the same sunrise and sunset, and trusting that as we pick up the pen, magic will be created and we will once again courageously fly with our words.

Needing to Recharge.

Ain't that the truth!  God bless all the boys who drop everything, come over when it's late and give your brand new car a jump.  (sure beats calling 24 hr Roadside Assistance)

Hoping this weekend will jumpstart and recharge my inner writer's batteries as well.  And hoping that the only thing that dies is my inner critic.

Books Over Basketball.

"…for some of us, books are as important as anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid pieces of paper unfolds world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet you or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die."  -Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

Kaia looks about as thrilled as I did when I was younger...

Coming from a girl who would rather pick up a basketball or a fishing pole or even a rolly polly bug than pick up a book, it's amazing how some things that once you wouldn't devote five minutes to are now the things you crave.  Some think that people don't change.  I'm here to tell you that they do. 

I have stacks of books now in my living room and on my bedstand, constantly competing for my time and attention. But somehow, Anne Lamott always manages to sneak her way to the top and into my hands. Can you tell I have a slight writer's crush on her?