Shut Up and Drive.

As a teenager, I loved the song "Shut Up and Drive" by Chely Wright.  I remember blasting it in my car on the way back from swim practice.  I also remember crying myself to sleep at night listening to those lyrics when I felt the first pangs of heartbreak...

Recently, I am learning more about the art of listening.  Too often, I would hear what people were saying, all while simultaneously thinking about what my response to them would be.  I was hearing them, thinking over what I would say, and not at all listening to them.

Sometimes as health professionals, we are so time-oriented.  We only have X number of minutes to spend with patients, and X number of minutes to teach/educate/obtain nutrition history.  I once heard a doctor say that if we only took the time to listen to patients, they would tell us everything that they needed in order to heal.  This has inspired me to be a better listener.

This means interrupting less, asking better questions, holding more space for them to talk.  And that in and of itself is healing and therapeutic.  In my experience so far, I've found that the end result is a more optimal destination that we've both reached together; something far more ideal than if I had talked at them or told them what to do.

My good friend can read my facial expressions really well.  He can tell right away from a split-second glance if I'm happy, stressed out, or upset.  During a challenging time in my life, sometimes he would put me in his car and just ask how I was doing.  My answers at first were superficial and concise- everything was bottled up inside like a big knot.  He knew it was only the first layer of the onion- I am too much of a deep-thinker and over-analyzer to just be "fine."

He would always keep driving, and as the road unfolded before us, slowly I was able to peel away the layers.  With each passing mile, I was able to understand and communicate and verbalize everything that I was experiencing.  He did not offer advice.  Like a good friend, he did what was best at the time- he just shut up and drove.  And by the time we returned, I felt like a huge emotional burden had been lifted from my shoulders.  I had more clarity and vision for my future and what I wanted.  And he hadn't really even said a word.

In our personal and work relationships, it's important to remember that giving advice isn't always the best thing.  Sometimes as a good friend or clinician, it's helpful to open the door to conversation, allowing space for the other person to be heard, and then steer wisely wherever the road and conversation leads.  I've found out that you'll both reach your destination happier and more fulfilled if you do one thing- Shut up and drive.

Monday Musings...

The Root.

Today's view from Pinole Shoreline. #friends #family #love #whatmatters

WHAT IS THE ROOT?

What

Is the

Root of all these

Words?

One thing: love.

But a love so deep and sweet

It needed to express itself

With scents, sounds, colors

That never before

Existed.

-Hafiz

Practicing Non-resistance.

You know how when little kids get puppies, they squeeze them so hard and don't want to let them go?  I am like that- I tend to hold on hard to the good things in life, sometimes too tightly that it can be suffocating.

I'm learning to hold on gently, loosen my grip- surrender.

I used to be quick to judge things, circumstances, events, and automatically label them as "good" or "bad."  Actually, I still do, but I am learning that swinging back and forth on the pendulum is exhausting.  Sometimes it's best to just settle in the middle, in that sweet spot, and observe without judgement.  Just let things be.

Observing, not judging... (taken at Point Lobos)

Surrender is not an act of giving up, but rather, of a giving over.  Unlike most may believe, non-resistance can be a strength.

Pretend you are holding a cup in each hand.  One cup is empty, and the other is full of water.  If you hold them and you're relaxed, you can feel a difference in the weight.  But as soon as you constrict and tighten your grip, you can't feel the difference in the weights as much.  Likewise, when you tighten up and tense up in life, you lose access to the inner resources that you need to discern what is in front of you; what's in your grasp.

Surrender is not about weakness, it is about wisdom.

Child's pose; a time to relax and surrender...

Non-resistence isn't necessarily a gift, an art or a talent- it is a practice- one that must be done with intentionality, observation and grace.  This is a practice that I am constantly cultivating in my life, as I learn to release expectations and relax.

It is only when I do this when I am able to discern the differences in the cups of water and choose correctly- allowing my lips to taste the pleasure and take a sweet sip of life and love.

The Space Between.

Sit silently still.

Pause- quiet the monkey mind.

Let's meet in the gap.

Fast Freddie. Sweaty Betty's.

Today's ride was one that really counted.  I told myself, "Write this one in the books- you're going to recall it in the future when you want to puke on the side of the road and you're tempted to get off your bike and walk it up the hill..."

We were greeting by the sunrise after climbing Grizzly Peak...

It was pretty much a culmination of some of hardest climbs I've done in the East Bay (Grizzly Peak, the 3 Bears backwards (which everyone knows is the harder route), and Pinehurst to Skyline, all bundled together under the guise of some race director's cruel sense of humor- naming it the "Fast Freddie Gran Fondo."  I was so terrified of this ride that I even skipped the kettlebell lunges and "legs day" in the gym this week just so I would have "Freddie Fresh Legs" for today.

You know how when you smell a certain perfume or cologne, all the memories come flooding back of that person who wore it?  The same thing happens with bike routes for me.  I remember who was my riding company, and certain parts of the road are almost time-stamped...I can recall exactly what we were talking about.

Revisiting these climbs was so good for me- just to see how far I've come since those times and also knowing deep in my heart (even though my legs may have argued otherwise) that I had been in that place of extreme fatigue before- slogging up some steep pitches, and had still managed to crest the hill and stay upright on my bike.

It's trusting not only those who believe you are strong enough to finish, but also trusting that faint "muscle memory" that remembers how you've been in this place of wanting to quit before, yet you just kept.on.pedaling.

I know in the world, many women are catty, backstabbing and resentful towards each other.  Instead of building each other up, they feel insecure and threatened and instead tear each other down.  Chris Rock once said, "Women would rule the world if they didn't hate each other so much." 

I am thankful to be surrounded with really quality, positive, inspiring, and grounded women.  They show me how you can still be feminine and still be strong.  My friend Michelle rides faster than 90% of the men I know.  She exudes a soft sensitivity in her calm nature, but it is matched with an inner tenacity that I find so appealing.  I look at her and think, "I want to be like that too." She told me from the beginning that I could do this ride and climb this much elevation.  I just had to believe in her, and more importantly, in myself and my capabilities.

Both of us rockin' the Betty Designs kits... #matchymatchy

It helps so much to have a solid woman role model who seeks the best for you and pushes you hard to see and realize your own strength.  As women, we need to empower each other. We need to challenge the stereotypes- it's cool to get a spa day, but even more cool to hop on a bike.  Instead of looking for a new outfit at the mall, look for new challenges that allow you to see yourself in a better light than the crappy fluorescent lights in the fitting rooms.

Saw this last week and it was replaying in my mind when the climbs got harder...

It's only when we get outside of our comfort zones and undertake the hard stuff when we can realize our own strength and potential.  The more this happens, the more momentum builds and translates to other areas- new paths are forged not only in sport, but in our lives.

And that, to me- is beautiful.

Rainbows and Sunshine.

Last year, I had someone tell me, "You know Julianne, I know you're Ms. Positivity- but life isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Sh*t happens. Life is cruel and people are mean."

I beg to differ.  Because if you look for the good, pretty soon your brain rewires itself and starts to scan your environment for the positive.  Two simple truths to remember- What you focus on, expands.  And what you appreciate, appreciates.  

And today, it really was all about rainbows and sunshine.

A reminder of hope on my morning commute...

Chasing the sunset on tonight's run...

"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the
winds long to play with your hair." -Kahlil Gibran

Two people this week asked me if I was in love.  There was some mention of some extra "pep in my step" and how I'm "glowing." This pretty much sums it up...

When you seek the good, you find it.  And when you stay open and positive, I promise you, there will always be an abundance of sunshine and rainbows.