The Myth of Self-sufficiency.

On Sunday, I was cresting the top of Dublin Canyon on my bike when something just didn't feel right.  The road felt bumpier than usual, and I looked down and saw that I had a flat on my front tire.  I was alone, and left my podcast running to keep me calm and from going into full-on freak-out mode.  Calmly, I removed the tire, ran my fingers along the tire to find any sharp object, replaced the tube, slipped the tire back on, and went to fill up the tube with my CO2 cartridge.  Everything was fine until I felt the CO2 escape from the side of the canister into the air- and not into my tire.  It reminded me of Chrissie Wellington's famous flat in Kona 2008, except that I didn't have cameras recording my break-down, and well, the World Championships wasn't on the line (fast-forward to the 2-minute mark).

Three cyclists passed me.  I kid you not.  I ended up flagging down another guy who was nice enough to pull over with a handpump and get my tire inflated enough for me to get home.  I was eternally grateful.

Once I was home, I decided to switch out my old tires for brand new tires.  It was fine, but as everyone knows, brand new tires are super difficult to get on since they lack the malleability of older tires.  I was successful with one, and the second tire I had major difficulty with.  I took a break, came back to it, and still was unable to get the final part into the rim.  To add fuel to the fire, the whole time I was paranoid that I was going to ruin my new acrylic gel manicure (priorities, people!).  My fingers were raw from the tire, I had tried using a towel to pad my hands, and I was literally at my wit's end.  It's these moments when it's easy to spiral down the rabbit hole of wishing I had the luxury of shouting, "Babe, do you mind helping me with this?"  Since I didn't have an extra pair of hands nearby, it was a frustrating situation for me.

But I was desperate.  I ended up asking a friend to come over to help me.  And he did, and was so gracious and we added some dishwashing soap to the rim to help slide the tire in.  It worked like a charm, and he was on his way. 

The whole experience made me realize how difficult it is for me to ask for help sometimes.  Single women, in particular, are constantly encouraged to be independent and self-sufficient.  We are told to go on solo vacations, travel around the world, take classes, and buy our own houses.  It is drilled into our heads that we shouldn't need a man to complete us.  I get it.  But if we focus all of our attention on being "whole," that doesn't leave a "whole" lot of room for anyone else.

I recently heard of Adam Newhouse's idea of the reciprocity circle.  His model was to take a group of 30 people- all successful artists, creatives, entrepreneurs, world leaders and world-shakers- and sit them together in a circle.  But rather than handing out their business cards, talking about about their websites or LinkedIn profile, instead, they were each required to step out and share what they specifically needed help with.  It could be anything- from "I'm looking for marketing support," to more specific requests- "I want to learn how to perform this specific dance style." By centering the intention around the notion of asking for help, this provided a space where people were allowed to be vulnerable and more human, and participants in the circle later said it was the most transformative experience.  Uncanny, synchronistic and amazing things occurred.  Across the board, every single 'ask' was met with an answer from someone within the circle that could offer specific assistance.

For me, it took putting on brand new tires to gain a brand new perspective.  Sometimes when we're stuck or stranded, we need to ask for help, and that's ok.  I've found that people are more than happy to show up and offer assistance.  Sometimes it just takes some help from a complete stranger to pump us up (figuratively, or in my case, literally), in order to get us rolling and on our way again. 

It is a beautiful truth after all- Ask and you shall receive. 

Home Is Where the Heart Is.

I remember awhile back I wanted to make sukiyaki (one of my all-time favorite dishes).  I scoured the cabinets for what seemed like forever, trying to find my electric hot-pot.  Then, it finally dawned on me.  It was most likely the permanent addition to an ex's fabulous cooking pan collection.  This caused me to think back on all the other items that I had unknowingly 'lost' in multiple moves between college, graduate school, and thereafter- ceramic dishes, a George Foreman grill, Osterizer blender (believe me, I'm not dumb enough to leave my Vitamix behind!), furniture pieces, and household appliances.

I suppose at the end of the day, the most important thing is that I survived all of these moves.

The process of packing and unpacking causes you to re-evaluate what's really important, and what can be donated to Goodwill.  And, just like the heart, times like these cause you to examine what good memories to hold onto and what emotional baggage should be tossed and disposed of before making your transition.  There is always a need for this- deciding what to collect, cherish and hang onto, and what to gently discard since it no longer serves you. 

When I first moved into my apartment a few years ago, I had no couch, no bed, and quite honestly, no hope.  "It's only a temporary place until I figure out what to do next," was my reasoning.

And then one night, I was flipping through a Maya Angelou calendar and came across this:

It was then when I realized that no matter what my living situation or location was, I was home.  That same night was when I hung my first artpiece over the fireplace, balancing precariously on a stepstool bench (the dining room table set was still yet to come), and as the hammer hit the nail and pierced through the wall, I felt this tangible sense of finally making this place my 'home.'

The Holstee Manifesto- which I've adopted as my own...

Last week, as I gazed above my fireplace, it occurred to me how this first framed quote really did become my life's manifesto, both within my home and more importantly, in my heart.  And that made me smile.

Growing up, I always loved Jim Elliot's quote- "Wherever you are, be all there."  It applies to the work that we do, the friendships we maintain, the house we reside in, and most importantly, ourselves.  So often it's easy to show up for someone else, but how many people make a consistent effort to show up for themselves?  To schedule self-care days, to practice meditation, to be fully present with themselves without any distractions?

Taking in the beauty during this morning's sunrise...

For me, self-care is surrounding myself in nature...view from today's hike...

Because really, home is like your heart.  You can decide for yourself that you want to move, or you may be forced to move, to uproot and be transplanted elsewhere.  Even in times of uncertainty and impermanence, you must not forget, like Maya Angelou, that we are at home wherever we find ourselves.

So go ahead- paint the wall your favorite color, instead of leaving it white so you don't have to repaint it if/when you move.  Hang up your favorite painting.  Home is much more than where you lay your head down at night.  

Know that you hold the key to your own front door.  You can give copies of the key to a few choice people, and you have the authority to change the lock if you need to.  Ultimately, it's up to you to decide who you let in.  But regardless of all of this, remember to be true to yourself.  Because at the end of the day, that's the best feeling to always come home to. 

Stay Curious.

Tonight I was writing a graduation card for my cousin (we're having a belated party for him tomorrow), and inside I wrote the only piece of advice that I've found to be helpful in my own life- stay curious.  

Elizabeth Gilbert said it best...

I listened to an interview today with Olympic swimmer Byron Davis, and he summed it up perfectly- in life, at times you will not be confident.  In his words, "Confidence has little to do with your capability of making something happen.  Instead, allow yourself to embrace curiosity.  When we are curious about something, all of our awareness and brain power becomes acutely aware of scenarios, patterns, and answers.  When you decide to be curious, you invite enough room to create experiences that you begin to stack up, which will ultimately become your confidence.  Curiosity allows us to move through that period of ambiguity.  Use the small incremental results to guide you in making mid-course corrections.  Ultimately, you will cross that finish line."

Curiosity moves us from a place of fear to a place of wonder and faith.  And that's a much better place to set up camp.

Rice is Sexy.

White rice.  Bleh.
Brown rice.  Meh.
Forbidden rice.  Huh?

It's purple, and the name is so sexy and seductive.
I just had to get my hands on that.

Turns out, legend has it this ancient grain was reserved for the emperors of China, and was often referred to as 'longevity rice.'  The deep purple hue also means that it is rich in anthocyanins, a powerful antioxidant also found in blueberries.

It's like 50 Shades of Grey...for rice.

I think every aspect of life is art, including food, so it makes me especially happy when I create beautiful, nutritious, and colorful meals. This was inspired by the brilliant Julie Piatt, whose wisdom has taught me to be more present and grateful, and whose artistic soul is so evident in her meal creations.

#plantpower #eattherainbow

This meal will raise your vibration on so many levels... Stir-fried organic kale, organic rainbow chard with fresh grated ginger, forbidden rice, shiitake mushrooms, and organic baked sweet potatoes.

Money Can't Buy Me Love...

...but it can buy me a new bike!  

Arriving in a few weeks!! 

I think it's money well spent when it'll only make you faster, fitter and happier.  At the end of the day, it's cheaper than therapy and I (fortunately), don't have diaper and daycare expenses.

I feel like my life is being upgraded on so many levels... everyday I am so grateful and look forward to feeling the wind in my hair and summiting many peaks (figuratively and literally)...

To Infinity and Beyond.

I first read this quote on my good friend's Instagram.  It made sense- we grow up and from the beginning are told how we should behave, what we should believe, what we should wear, how we should speak.  We are so busy becoming 'like the masses' that we lose our individuality, creativity and inspiration in the process.

I think a better question to ask is, "What did you want to be when you were 8 years old?" Remember the time when life was free from bills, mortgages, unfulfilling relationships and job stress, and the 'big' questions were what you were trading your sandwich for at lunchtime and who would be first in line for tetherball?

When I was eight years old, I wanted to be an astronaut.  I was fascinated with the zero gravity aspect; I was already pretty advanced on the monkeybars and would fantasize about being able to do somersaults in space.  I completely disregarded the whole need to excel at math/science- I wanted to be an astronaut because my whole job would be to explore the unknown, go into uncharted territory, do flips in outerspace, and make history.

No anti-gravity here, unfortunately. Pull-ups on the trails yesterday...

The freeze-dried food part was pretty cool, too.  When I visited the Kennedy Space Center in Washington D.C. as a 4th grader, I chose a freeze-dried neopolitan ice cream sandwich as my one souvenir.  I still remember savoring each bite later when I got home.  I loved how it felt when it touched my tongue and would dissolve into a delicious vanilla, strawberry and chocolate explosion.

Funny, and sadly ironic, is how these are the flavors of the Ensure Plus that are frequently prescribed in the hospital.  Perhaps a part of me now wants to embrace that adventurous spirit again of my eight year old self, taking with it my experience of nutrition and wellness, and reuniting it now with my fantasy of outerspace, blasting off into the unexplored, paving new ways, and knowing no limits.  I love who is in my space shuttle with me, and together we are excited to tread and uncover new territory in the health/wellness sector.  Together as we keep dreaming and keep creating, I know that we will be benefitting mankind in a deeper, more truthful and more authentic way.

To infinity and beyond!

Reigniting My Fire.

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." 
-Albert Schweitzer

Tonight's view from the campfire...

It's interesting how you don't even realize how you're down to burning your own embers until you meet a kindred spirit.  It's like the right-side of my brain finally exploded and took over my left brain, and my mind is spinning with ideas, visions and big dreams.  At night, sometimes I can't sleep, so I just roll over and write my ideas in my journal.  Getting them down on paper helps, and I find that when I look over them the next morning, I gain more momentum and draw lines connecting those ideas to new ones that I write down.

I've missed this; this feeling of adrenaline, excitement, of being in the flow-state. It's fun to do this alone, but when you meet someone else who shares your fundamental dreams and visions and can give you open suggestions of how to improve yourself, this is what gives me a heartbeat. 

I love the musical Once, and my favorite scene is when Glen Hansard first teaches his song to Marketa Irglova.  I love the expression on his face when she starts harmonizing with him; it's like his smile recognizes this beautiful creative union- something that he would not have been able to accomplish alone.  When you meet other creatives/musicians/entrepreneurs, it is a beautiful thing to experience that magic, that fire...that shared vision and deep connection over something bigger than ourselves.

Two days ago, I scribbled in my journal a truth that I had discovered that day- "Awakenings stem from life's darkest moments." Three years ago, I experienced one of the darkest periods of my life, and looking back, I am amazed at the ways I've grown in my understanding of the world, of myself, and of others.  Thank you to all of those who have helped me rediscover and rekindle my inner spirit.  You know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.